Creativity is a phenomenon whereby something new and valuable is created (such as an idea, a joke, an artistic or literary work, a painting or musical composition, a solution, an invention or a etc.). I would add, or a self.
I am a story and a chapter and a line and a word and a letter and a gesture of pen upon paper.
Most of my DNA is masked but the hidden parts map like the rhythm of language.
Science cannot understand the human blueprint.
I am static and moving and inert and dynamic and fierce and frightened.
90% of all of my thoughts are replayed stories of the old wars in old landscapes.
90% of all decisions are from the reptile brain which decides for me 7 seconds before it appears on the conscious screen.
Is my soul reborn, is my personality reborn, are my reactions causing the action?
Am I part of my body, riding in my body, above my body?
Whose voice do I hear?
Who speaks to me?
Is this a lesson?
Where is the centre? Where is the fullness? Where am I?
I reached for the wall in the hospital because I saw a polar bear.
I was a toddler. I did not know why I saw this creature.
We revise our histories. We go back and play a scene again with subtext script.
We color it in, give it a sound track, interpret it for the audience of self.
Was the bear a guardian spirit? A hallucination?
How am I to know without rewriting the story?
Within the lies of anxiety that we listen to like siren calls there lies a place. It can be reached. It is what Deluk the Buddhist nun told me is “the garden”.
It is in the centre. It is in the centre of the past, the present, the future. It is full of no time time.What happens in this garden is magic. What happens in this garden is no time time. It is no story, no narrative, no question.
My story, my childhood was violent, threatening, chaotic. I was taught fear. I was taught to fear the environment, to fear death, to fear to speak, to fear all formulations of what I was.
My confusion did not help creativity. Neurosis does not help creativity. The lizard brain is not creative, it is looking to survive.
So how did I find myself. Here. Sometimes sitting in the garden of no self. I have learned to watch my mind. I have learned to know when I am being 6 or 10 or 15. I have learned to embrace the shadow self. And for all of these incarnations which appear I have learned to follow Thich Nhat Han’s advice and sit with them. I sit with whatever is presenting like one would sit with a baby. I hold it. I comfort it. I come home to myself.
And since I have come home to myself, I am clear. I am clear in what I say. I am clear in my art.
We are all given gifts. Much as the Fairies in fables show up at the birth. They stand next to the baby and they bring gifts. The universe has given you gifts. When you are no longer afraid, when you are no longer letting your lizard brain tell you the story, when you are no longer letting your past create the hologram of your present you simply use your gifts. It is easy. It is what we are here to do. Without ego, self judgement, without waiting for applause or condemnation, we just use our gifts.
And that is when we truly come home to self. We sit in the garden and blossom. It is why we are here.