Others Show Me: Mirror

My habitual response when I see a poet who has done a performance to an audience of 1,000 is very knee jerk. I was formed in the embryonic fluid of scarcity. My very cells were splitting while surrounded by the liquid belief in either/or.

That poet has “taken” the opportunity away from me… I can feel that splinter in my heart almost immediately.

As a person stands on a stage receiving applause, I think, “I could do that.” And then I take myself home to the cave of punishment with the thoughts that I am imprisoned in some lower energy field and unable to rise to the big, bold shining energy shape I wish to be.

The way I have dealt with the scarcity mind of late is I am really tuning into it. In the moment, when I feel the small sharp jab in my chest and it is a visceral reaction for me, I take a breath and go into it.

I stop and ask, “Whoa. What is that you are feeling?”

I am learning to check in to it and to recognize the child on the street match girl poverty refugee starving looking into a restaurant window pattern immediately.

Over time, as I work with my patterning, I have learned to be patient with myself. I will hear a clear, untainted truth and look at it, again through a window. Or it will stand on the surface like oil on clay and just dome up to catch rainbow light. But it does not sink in.

I have learned that training myself takes loving kindness, repetition, sitting with others who are further developed than I am at present.

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“If they can be so full of spirit and light while standing on the stage, while writing, while moving through the world,” I remind myself, “then it is possible for me.”

It is not that they have taken the prize from me. It is that they are showing how to make the commitment to their gift in order to receive the prize.

I often used to say to my students, “The universe is not a pizza. It does not have only a certain number of slices and the person next to you has taken the last one.”

At that time, I could partially understand the concept of universal flow. But it is as I work on myself in each instance of the arising of scarcity mind that I become more relaxed and confident that we are receiving what we need.

The information is seeping into my hard, clay formed surface. And all I can do is be loving in my relationship with myself. The goal is to accept where I am now, and not wait to have a compassionate feeling about where I am now until I attain some fantasy construct of perfection.

The accolades I wish to hear are in my own head. I begin with who I am. I begin with what I am. I begin with love for my passionate desire to be a bigger self. The only scarcity is that which I create in my own thoughts.

The universe is a 24 hour as much as you can eat pizzeria. There is plenty more where that came from. Relax.