February has been a time of opening up to the world. Since I broke my wrist in October, I have lead an insular life. My airbnb has had guests coming intermittently but the house has been, for the main part, quietly expansive around me. The occasions that called me out of doors to do an archeological dig for my car and the venturing out to view a movie have been undependable opportunities for visiting the world beyond my air lock doors.
I have had visits to the physio for a while and visits to my counsellor for a while but then there was stillness.
That is, until February pulled me into the world. I volunteered a few times to help Shelly Cook in her run for the NDP. Her intelligence, honesty and commitment to social justice impressed me.
I auditioned for and got a part in the Vagina Monologues. For the first time since 1983 I am memorizing lines and preparing to do a performance of a scripted work. The high level of anxiety almost drove me to withdraw from the play at first.
But I know that the tightly woven structure I have build around me must be destroyed. The risks, the breaks in pattern, the optimism of undertaking something that I have no certainty of doing to perfection is exactly what I need right now.
The days are full of challenges and unexpected events. It has been seven years since I lived in such a dynamic manner. There are times when I even go to a new coffee shop; drive across the bridge on the lake; dream of travel to Iceland or Costa Rico. I am getting the urge to expand. And all the while, I have no idea where that feeling will lead me.
It is very like coming out of years of monastic living. February feels like the first few steps of a big adventure.It is terrifyingly wonderful.