The question of how I move in the world comes more and more frequently to mind.
Because I am so open to vibrations, when I am in a group that carries lower energy it feels like I am experiencing an operation with out anaesthetic. Groups of people who hold an agreement that the world is blighted; that the focus should be on an accumulation of status symbols; that the only strength is the strength of power which can be easily perceived by others around them, hold no comfort for me.
The Angel Michael’s secret name is, according to Edgar Cayce and others, based on the Sabbath. Michael’s power is the power of going inward, of sitting silence, of finding the soul spark of life seed that is truly the signature of self. And I embrace that way of life.
I isolate myself for days on end as I read, sit silence and turn to teachers contemporary or from the past. Because of the limitations of the body and the limitations of the human experience there is at one time, only so much instruction at a time that I can embrace and allow to incorporate into my world view.
Always, always my mind comes back to the question: Is this helping me to be a better human being? Is what I am learning helping me to rise above petty, limiting reactions? How much is the experience of this single life constricting me to doing no more than living out the experiences of this single life.
Great meditators, Shamans and spiritual teachers seem to have achieved a balance between sitting contemplation and working in the world.
However, for me the idea of a balance is a huge area of fear energy.
How do I remove myself from imprinting groups that flash white teeth, expensive purses, garish displays of consumption as their miles posts for their growth? How do I manage myself when I perceive there is a darkness in a group that is taking them off purpose. I have had no role models to teach me.
When I was younger, I simply tried to use words; I repeatedly tried to use logic; I vainly tried to argue the case and it never worked.
For the last seven years I have cycled from isolated periods to periods of being out in the world more frequently.
“Once burned twice shy. ” That is the saying and for me, because of my childhood and resultant habits, I have been wary and guarded. The ability to feel energy; the moments of channelling information with no support or teacher have sent me to a place of shutting down socially as a default behavior.
If there were no ” jobs” for me to do, I would not appear. Workaholism was a gift because it got me out around people.
My Obsessive Compulsive nature was a gift because I would allow myself to be with others in order to achieve a goal.
The work I have done on myself has been prodigious. Almost instantaneously, I can check into my body and understand what it is feeling. My ability to see past mental patterns arising has become much stronger of late.
The question still lays on the table: “How am I meant to be in the world?”
Today, I decided to let the concept of supporting others be enough of a attraction to lead me out of the house. How can I support others in their growth?
To be constantly interior or protective of my own energy does not help me to learn from my weaknesses how to gain strength. On the other hand, I am wise enough now to know that I must never allow my energy to serve another who is corrupted by a lack of understanding. I do not blame the person. I just will not allow myself to become a log on their fire.
What I look for in others is what a child looks for. Is this person kind to me and to others? Is this person gentle in their passage through life? Is this person able to see themselves clearly enough to say, “Opps. There was my ego again. Sorry.”
Being authentic means always observing oneself and others in the world. I no longer fall for the people who walk into the room puffed up with power.
My journey is to understand that each of us has power already. We came into life with a “golden ticket.”
It is my work to figure out how I am to be in the world. I don’t need to audition. I already have a ticket.