Vicious Toast and Weak Sunshine

I am turning a corner; shifting gears; flipping a leaf, a finger; snarling at my own snarling; stepping up; pushing the inertia; daring to hope; planting the seeds; tired of the tired; yearning for change. It is the cusp, the edge, the definitive line dot dot dot tear along here, the boundary of a new country, reality, dimension, brane of existence.

Weak sun whispers promises

Weak sun whispers promises

The breath in for so many days has not connected to vibrancy. It has been about clearing, clearing, clearing. It is like an existential Japanese movie wherein the sand just keeps flooding in. The sand of gritty thoughts. The best I could hope for was stillness.
Every day I would begin again and the wind would rise around 10 am and bring more sand. Clogging up the works. Obscuring the vision. Choking off the fresh air expanding sweep of possibilities.
But today, there is weak sun outside. It teases and seduces. It touches the black trees and if one looks closely cups the budding baby leaves.
I have done well are refusing to walk down the alleyway’s dark back of thought structured buildings and stayed on the sunny side of the street. I walked there even in the rain, the atmospheric gray down to the ankles of winter. I stayed there knowing that there would be sun on my back eventually.

 

where am I
On Thursday I broke a front tooth on a piece of toast. My first thought was it isn’t even darkly baked toast. I removed the fragment and looked at it in my hand.
Because of my training, I took my thoughts immediately to the sunny side and said, “You have all of your teeth. You can still chew. It isn’t big. It isn’t painful.” I continued on with the plotting of possibly disastrous alternatives. But a piece of me had fallen off.
The drama queen voice played its dialogue. “What do you expect. You have lived a long time. You will fall apart. Things will fail.” I could feel the ego witch searching around for other things to add to the list. This would be a great time to list every single fall from the perfection of a new born body. Oh, she wanted to go there. She was pulling hard at me the ego witch.

Reaching

Reaching

And then I decided. “It is fine. The dentist will repair your tooth. You will continue to write your book. You will continue to eat well, sleep well, draw opportunities to you. And one thing I can damn well guarantee you, you will grow. Because, “my beautiful Empress parent said to me, “because I got this.”
And then I just looked out the window at the weak first attempts at Spring and shut up.

Why is it?

When I stop to question, “why?” it is a fairly useless exercise.

Why does my friend have sinus cancer? Why are three very sweet women I know going through emotional crises because they have chosen to fall in love with men with addictive brain patterns? Why does life sometimes feel so crowded, frenetic, unruly and at other times so starkly lonely?

can you be the eye of the storm?

It is useless to question any of it while we spend our days. But mindlessness is not the answer either. There is such a thin line between taking responsibility for one’s actions, setting the goal to change and choosing to blame one’s self.
The hardest, most complex aspect of life for me is to be comfortable with not knowing.

Do I know where I will end up living? Do I Know how I will resolve my current very challenging circumstances? Do I have a plan for what I will become?

I look skyward and all of the balloons I once held in my hand have floated off into the stratosphere.
For months I stood beneath them and cried my heart out, yearning for the definitions of self as wife to Cameron, as Artist in Kelowna, as daughter to two individuals that are no longer alive. In just a few years I have stood by the bedside of three people I have loved and who were integral parts of my life. I have held their hands, been present to their spirits as they let go of this existence. Each passing left me feeling more unanchored.

sometimes stillness is transformation

With no place to work and make art, with no people any longer in my life who held a shared history with me I felt denuded and thrown into a wilderness. That dark night of the soul lasted five months.
I continued to function during the day because I had to but the grief would come up and overwhelm me at night. When my first marriage broke up, I could call my mother. When my mother died, I could cry into my partner’s arms. I could talk about my mother and transfer my care and concern to my step-father. Again, when he was no longer alive I could seek comfort from the man who pledged to love me.
The most difficult part of losing those you love is that you have no place to put that part of yourself any longer. Never mind not having a soft place to fall, there is no place to fall. Unless, of course, you have a spiritual practice.

winter leading nowhere

And finally this is where the last three years have lead me. I stand where I am now. I see that all that I held on to that has defined me in the past is out of my hands, flying away, irretrievable.
Can I be comfortable with the waiting, with the emptiness or opening up? It is no longer a question of “why?”. Life has become a deeper mystery. The discipline is to just sit with it and let it happen. But meanwhile, I am looking around me to find a way to keep the love flowing from my heart.

self dissolving, transforming

To survive the craziness of this time in society, I believe we have to keep the love moving. Because absolute hell on earth is to go to the dark place of bitterness. The deepest pain we can put ourselves in is to refuse to be open. There is no way out of this contract we have signed. Why is there pain? What is the point of asking? Just kiss it better yourself if you have lost “the others”  and get on with it. What ever it is. And find places to give affection as you move through the day.

Why? How the heck would I know?

All Candidates Kelowna By-Election: Who Cares?

Because I was hearing nothing about the by-election arriving on November 28th, I was concerned about the heavy pall of apathy. The sound of silence was like that after a heavy snow fall.  Some of my neighbourhood association members suggested that we might garner more members to our small, hearty band if we made an event of it. Bingo. Two solutions with one meeting.

detail from Peace inspirational door stop

detail from Peace inspirational door stop

After notifying all of the neighbourhood associations in the city that they could make their presence known by asking a question of one of the fifteen candidates, I sent out an invitation to the candidates. Anyone who has ever organized an event knows that this part of the structuring is always needful of minding. Plant the seed, water the seed, replant the seed, water the seed… Well, you get it.

Now we have, I believe, all of the candidates confirmed. Six of the ten groups invited have prepared a question. But most happily of all, we have an event. It is an event that is in the media. Radio, internet, newspaper reporters are… well reporting. It looks as if there will be six media representatives in attendance, if not more.

10 door stop prosperity inspiration

10 inch door stop prosperity inspiration

Now comes the part where I take my husband away from his work as an electrician and ask him sweetly to spend the day setting up the sound. Thankfully, he is a skilled sound technition. KSAN has said they would do all the niceties, coffee and cookies. How wonderful when neighbourhood groups help one another out and contribute to building community strength.

I got my cards to city hall in a timely fashion, saw the plastic surgeon who is going to reattach my stomach muscle in December and cleaned the house. Once the forum is done, I will take cards and door stops around the various Christmas shops to see if I can get some sales over Christmas.

hand made each drawn into archival cards

hand made each drawn into archival cards

Judith Jurica of Gallery Vertigo has hung my art work at the Kalamalka campus of Okanagan College so some works are “out there.” http://www.galleryvertigo.com/ I now have to go into the Authentech home and move a few pieces around as well as rethinking the work I have up in the Bohemian Cafe on Bernard so they show better.

The opportunity to just lay down in bed and heal will mean that I can upload some ETSY items and read. Wind in the Willows always impressed me with the wonderful winter scenes. All of the animals in an underground cave, looking at the fire and reading.

So, the adventure begins. How many people in Kelowna will leave their houses to vote? How many people will be looking to buy locally made gifts? When will it snow? So many questions to see answered over time. It is why life is so interesting.

Where do I take classes to increase my creativity in the Okanagan?

Fall and Winter Classes by Cherie Hanson

Rotary Centre for the Arts Course Studio 205, 421 Cawston Avenue.

Wednesday, September 9th, 6:30 to 8 pm. Writing from Where You Are. A gentle, non-critical workshop on prose writing. Take those old dairies, the notes from your last vacation and create something memorable. 14 years and above. $40

Rotary Centre for the Arts Course Studio 205, 421 Cawston Avenue.

Wednesday, September 23rd, 6:30 to 8 pm. Poetry for the Novice. Creating interesting, vivid poetry under the guidance of a writer who has earned her M.A. In contemporary poetry. $40.

Vernon Community Arts Council, 2704A Hwy 6, Vernon, B.C. 250-542-6243

Saturday, October 17th, 10 – 2, Writing Colorful Poetry ( 13- 17 years)$ 80

Rotary Centre for the Arts Course Studio 205, 421 Cawston Avenue.

Wednesday, October 21st, 6:30 to 8 pm. Making handmade greeting cards: Get inspired to make something unique that speaks from who you are. Make a gift of your talent. For children and adults together. Family fun. $45 includes material’s fee.

Vernon Community Arts Council, 2704A Hwy 6, Vernon, B.C. 250-542-6243

Saturday, October 24th, 10-2, Making Memories (All Ages) Making a gift of a unique scrapbook technique book. $80.

UBC-Okanagan Continuing Studies, cs.ubco@ubc.ca, 250-807-9289

Saturday, October 31st, 10 – 4 pm,Creative Writing Buffet. Writing various forms. Sample to find what form of writing is delicious for you. $149 +GST

UBC-Okanagan Continuing Studies , cs.ubco@ubc.ca, 250-807-9289

Saturday, November 21st, 9 am- 2 pm, Digital Photograph Art- From So-So… to stunning OPS 120 FO9A, $125+ GST

Vernon Community Arts Council, 2704A Hwy 6, Vernon, B.C. 250-542-6243

Saturday, November 14th, 10-2, Presenting Poetry ( 13-17) Guided work that takes a phrase, an image and crafts a poem or a selection of poems for the student to take home. $80.

Rotary Centre for the Arts Course Studio 205, 421 Cawston Avenue.

Wednesday, November 24th, 6:30 to 8 pm. Scrapbook Exploration. How to make cards, books, gifts using scrapbook techniques. 14 years and above. Family fun. $45 including material’s fee.

Vernon Community Arts Council, 2704A Hwy 6, Vernon, B.C. 250-542-6243

Saturday, November 28th, 10-2. Adults

The Gift of Poetry. Create your own anthology as a gift for a loved one.

UBC-Okanagan Continuing Studies , cs.ubco@ubc.ca, 250-807-9289

Saturday, December 5th, 10 am- 3 pm.

The Hidden Poet. Using the senses to explore poetry, interpret imagery and be inspired. $125 + GST

Rotary Centre for the Arts Course Studio 205, 421 Cawston Avenue.

Wednesday, September 9th, 6:30 to 8 pm. Writing from Where You Are. A gentle, non-critical workshop on prose writing. Take those old dairies, the notes from your last vacation and create something memorable. 14 years and above. $40

Rotary Centre for the Arts Course Studio 205, 421 Cawston Avenue.

Wednesday, September 23rd, 6:30 to 8 pm. Poetry for the Novice. Creating interesting, vivid poetry under the guidance of a writer who has earned her M.A. In contemporary poetry. $40.

Vernon Community Arts Council, 2704A Hwy 6, Vernon, B.C. 250-542-6243

Saturday, October 17th, 10 – 2, Writing Colorful Poetry ( 13- 17 years)$ 80

Rotary Centre for the Arts Course Studio 205, 421 Cawston Avenue.

Wednesday, October 21st, 6:30 to 8 pm. Making handmade greeting cards: Get inspired to make something unique that speaks from who you are. Make a gift of your talent. For children and adults together. Family fun. $45 includes material’s fee.

Living in the moment

Living in the moment

Vernon Community Arts Council, 2704A Hwy 6, Vernon, B.C. 250-542-6243

Saturday, October 24th, 10-2, Making Memories (All Ages) Making a gift of a unique scrapbook technique book. $80.

UBC-Okanagan Continuing Studies, cs.ubco@ubc.ca, 250-807-9289

Saturday, October 31st, 10 – 4 pm,Creative Writing Buffet. Writing various forms. Sample to find what form of writing is delicious for you. $149 +GST

UBC-Okanagan Continuing Studies , cs.ubco@ubc.ca, 250-807-9289

Saturday, November 21st, 9 am- 2 pm, Digital Photograph Art- From So-So… to stunning OPS 120 FO9A, $125+ GST

Vernon Community Arts Council, 2704A Hwy 6, Vernon, B.C. 250-542-6243

Saturday, November 14th, 10-2, Presenting Poetry ( 13-17) Guided work that takes a phrase, an image and crafts a poem or a selection of poems for the student to take home. $80.

Rotary Centre for the Arts Course Studio 205, 421 Cawston Avenue.

Wednesday, November 24th, 6:30 to 8 pm. Scrapbook Exploration. How to make cards, books, gifts using scrapbook techniques. 14 years and above. Family fun. $45 including material’s fee.

Vernon Community Arts Council, 2704A Hwy 6, Vernon, B.C. 250-542-6243

Saturday, November 28th, 10-2. Adults

The Gift of Poetry. Create your own anthology as a gift for a loved one.

creating is about perception

creating is about perception

UBC-Okanagan Continuing Studies , cs.ubco@ubc.ca, 250-807-9289

Saturday, December 5th, 10 am- 3 pm.

The Hidden Poet. Using the senses to explore poetry, interpret imagery and be inspired. $125 + GST

August Fires, Cooling Front and Art: What is happening in Kelowna?

sky blocked by smoke, raining ash for two weeks

sky blocked by smoke, raining ash for two weeks

The Terrace Mountain Fire is still alive. Fears that the incoming cold front will mean an increase in wind velocity and that the root fires causing the falling of trees will mean more danger for fire fighters do not portend an end to the situation soon.

Down here, at the North End the skies were clear for the first day in weeks. Yesterday I could work in the yard without having asthma problems and my eyes watering from smoke. It was an immense relief. Gaia is angry. Watching the tsunamis hitting the shoreline in Asia, hearing of death through flooding, listening to East Coast residents bemoaning the lack of summer and West Coasters moaning from the oppressive heat reminds me of how my body works. First it whispers something to me gently, then it speaks up. If I fail to change my behavior (as I frequently do) then comes the yelling, shouting, screaming. Nature is yelling at us.

http://tiny.cc/Ngbhl artist Dexter on red bubble...great comment

http://tiny.cc/Ngbhl artist Dexter on red bubble...great comment

I saw the headlines in the New York Times yesterday that the changes in nature are on the radar of the right wing contengent now. They pose a threat to security. Wow! Even those who denied that global warming was occuring are now paying attention to it. Not out of love of the planet, not out of concern for animals, children and all those who are physically weaker. No! It is a security threat and must be dealt with.

Meanwhile, we are battling virus at home. First I had four days of cluster headaches and felt like I was stuffed with lead weights or bowling balls in my “skin suit”. Now Cameron is into his third day of being warm to the touch and having cluster head aches. His, however, is a man flu. His mood is less than mellow. Also, the fact that he had three jobs waiting for him to complete while he feels like human sludge isn’t helping. I have only the occasional appointment because of my status as one who lacks status…semi-retired artist.

elements: water 7 ft long with pearlescent paint

elements: water 7 ft long with pearlescent paint

My two seven foot works from the Elements series are hanging at the Bean Scene North and look spectacular there. The space is very contemporary and shows off my art in a setting it craves to be. Cement, steel, glass, dark colors and lots of light. The art work shows like a jewell in that setting.

fire, metal, wind/spirit feung shui elements

fire, metal, wind/spirit feung shui elements

Another piece, Metal is hanging at the end of the Galleria Hallway at the Rotary Centre where the pearlescence shows nicely.

How to tend your Garden

Off to a personal trainer, preparing for the art show in Vienna, Austria, keeping the house clean, getting enough sleepy. My OC tendencies are constantly trying to take over my life. Everything I see that needs doing, everything I think of I want to do. It is like keeping a team of horses under reign. Must sit meditation today to keep my feet on the ground.

Happy Spring everyone. I will be taking you through my process of how I developed the images for Vienna so stay tuned. My blog will be a step by step revelation of how I got there.