Back to Kelowna’s Hot summer sun

I flew back to Kelowna for a short period. The lawn needed mowing, gardens weeded, and  the shrubs enjoyed their watering. Playing in the garden grounds me and quiets my mind and this summer I needed these times badly. My kind neighbours kept everything alive and growing; however, a garden is a private thing and I was happy to get back on my knees and start to pull up weeds.

leaving Portland the river

returning to Kelowna dry

The hillsides were beige, dry in Kelowna.

The gladiolas were glorious


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look close reveals detail

Although the gladiolas were on their sides, they were gorgeous.

The shadow was delicate

shadings from white to purple

Why is it?

When I stop to question, “why?” it is a fairly useless exercise.

Why does my friend have sinus cancer? Why are three very sweet women I know going through emotional crises because they have chosen to fall in love with men with addictive brain patterns? Why does life sometimes feel so crowded, frenetic, unruly and at other times so starkly lonely?

can you be the eye of the storm?

It is useless to question any of it while we spend our days. But mindlessness is not the answer either. There is such a thin line between taking responsibility for one’s actions, setting the goal to change and choosing to blame one’s self.
The hardest, most complex aspect of life for me is to be comfortable with not knowing.

Do I know where I will end up living? Do I Know how I will resolve my current very challenging circumstances? Do I have a plan for what I will become?

I look skyward and all of the balloons I once held in my hand have floated off into the stratosphere.
For months I stood beneath them and cried my heart out, yearning for the definitions of self as wife to Cameron, as Artist in Kelowna, as daughter to two individuals that are no longer alive. In just a few years I have stood by the bedside of three people I have loved and who were integral parts of my life. I have held their hands, been present to their spirits as they let go of this existence. Each passing left me feeling more unanchored.

sometimes stillness is transformation


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With no place to work and make art, with no people any longer in my life who held a shared history with me I felt denuded and thrown into a wilderness. That dark night of the soul lasted five months.
I continued to function during the day because I had to but the grief would come up and overwhelm me at night. When my first marriage broke up, I could call my mother. When my mother died, I could cry into my partner’s arms. I could talk about my mother and transfer my care and concern to my step-father. Again, when he was no longer alive I could seek comfort from the man who pledged to love me.
The most difficult part of losing those you love is that you have no place to put that part of yourself any longer. Never mind not having a soft place to fall, there is no place to fall. Unless, of course, you have a spiritual practice.

winter leading nowhere

And finally this is where the last three years have lead me. I stand where I am now. I see that all that I held on to that has defined me in the past is out of my hands, flying away, irretrievable.
Can I be comfortable with the waiting, with the emptiness or opening up? It is no longer a question of “why?”. Life has become a deeper mystery. The discipline is to just sit with it and let it happen. But meanwhile, I am looking around me to find a way to keep the love flowing from my heart.

self dissolving, transforming

To survive the craziness of this time in society, I believe we have to keep the love moving. Because absolute hell on earth is to go to the dark place of bitterness. The deepest pain we can put ourselves in is to refuse to be open. There is no way out of this contract we have signed. Why is there pain? What is the point of asking? Just kiss it better yourself if you have lost “the others”  and get on with it. What ever it is. And find places to give affection as you move through the day.

Why? How the heck would I know?

A spring in my step

Wielding the mighty pitch fork, I dug up the errand grass clumps in the garden and speculated about the goodness or badness of plants. Grass in the lawn is a beautiful thing. It is soft, thick a place to lay down and see the sky. Grass in the garden bed is the enemy.

Rotary Centre Artists

Rotary Centre Artists

I freed the heather from the surrounding enemy of grass clumps. I raked the protective leaves off of the surface of the soil. What was once a blanket is now a shroud, so must be moved. I anticipated planting seeds. I got dirty, I bent way over and I carried heavy bags. It was an invigorating method of replanting myself in the garden.

changing who I am reforming

changing who I am reforming


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I am looking forward to the Sopa under 8 show and need to tend my web sites. They have become overgrown with disuse. The clarity of the direction for my on line marketing must be re-established. I have to prune and replant them. I decided to come off of Yessy. A friend suggested that I begin to use flickr as a marketing site as well. It is a great suggestion.

grand girl Tegan

grand girl Tegan

So I will continue to work on the garden, start the process of organizing my on line presence and I wish to make some dresses for my beautiful grand girls. I will look forward with optimism and realize that the seeds I plant now will bloom and provide me with beauty.

How do you incorporate art into everyday life?

Art is my life. I am also exploring a spiritual path that leads away from the briar patch of anxiety, jealousy and tears of low self-esteem. Up the mountain… my eyes are looking. So every day I sit meditation and watch my ego mind chattering, swinging through the low lying branches and just observe. One suggestion that a long time student offered was to visualize the ego as an animal and give it a name.

Open to Passion inspirational doorstop

Open to Passion inspirational doorstop

Then when the ego appears, remember discipline. Gentleness. Not anger is the way to a calmer co-relationship. My ego is a chimpanzee much like the one who used to be in the Tarzan series on TV in the 50’s. Her name is Cheetah and she puts up a god awful racket.

Open the Door to Passion inspirational door stop on Etsy

Open the Door to Passion inspirational door stop on Etsy

She can talk, she can swing agilely from one idea to another, from one branch to another with her lips curled out. She is also amazingly clever. A real entertainer is this ego creature. But don’t be fooled. She has teeth and will either attack or throw her long arms about and sulk noisily if she doesn’t get her way.

Consequently, I need every tool I can find to deal with 65 years of programming. This is where the idea for my newest art pieces came from.

Open to health

Open to health

My husband has pieces of wood left over when he made our back gate. “Doorstops,” he said. “You like to paint everything. Why don’t you make doorstops?”

Open to Health from Etsy shop

Open to Health from Etsy shop


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So…. things have been slow because I have been going to physio twice a week trying to get the pressure on my nerve from my neck to my hands to lessen.

Open to Health from Etsy Splash Over Designs

Open to Health from Etsy Splash Over Designs

I have used the time between appointments and recovery from appointments to do this small project. OPEN THE DOOR Inspirational pieces have been really fun and not laborious. My mind is quiet when I paint.

Cheetah sleeps somewhere in the overhead trees.

Open to Love waves of color with green jewels

Open to Love waves of color with green jewels

Here are the pieces that I have completed so far. All are for sale on my Etsy shop SPLASH OVER DESIGNS at $20 each.

Open to Joy rhinestones on flowers

Open to Joy rhinestones on flowers

Whaaat is Happening Here isn’t quite clear.

Up against the wall

elbows out

fighting to feel.

The background glass

allows the light of leaves,

mosaics the yellow

next to my bed.

The pain of being body,

swollen round

arthritic pulse of flow.

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the heart at work.

Art Walk and the standing for hours each day have taken their toll. I awoke with stabbing pain in my wrists, knees, ankles and feet. My stomach was burning. Strangely hard to settle on one spot when back, neck, head and all of the rest are screaming at me like an unruly group of children all demanding attention. I moved the bag of lavendar closer to my head and let the aroma flood over me.” Resistance is futile,” I reminded myself. Just let the high notes play like a zylophone first here then there. A tune of physical despair. I listened until I sank back into sleep.

poetry in the folds

poetry in the folds

Today I had the wonderful gifts of emails from friends sending love and congratulations on my work. Even my taciturn brother said, “You know you are good, now go get buyers.” From him, that is high praise. He speaks little, infrequently and usually laces the comments with sarcasm.

Trying to get the house back in order and return my focus to those things which I have promised that I would do for people was what entertained me in the afternoon.

But the morning was sheer frivolity. We awoke at 7 were at Valu Village at 8:30 where I purchased $300 worth of thrift store clothing for myself, Cameron and my grand daughter Rhane for $150. This grand girl skyped me to inform me that “I have nothing to wear in my closet. I have no dressed for preschool, grandma.” Actually she says gandma. So today I got her dresses, skirts, blouses, sweaters and a pair of shoes. Mostly pink. Mostly very, very pink.

So what of this day? What of any day? Where did I make good decisions? Where did I go wrong?

The body is asking for care. Order and quiet needs to be vigilantly but gently reinstituted. The quest for more galleries to carry my work must be taken up again.

And the breeze that flows past me from the door asks me to come outside.

When will the bottom fall out?

So many people have their eyes on the bottom of the stock market, the bottom line and what their bottoms look like as they walk away swaying their jeans. Today is a day to look up. The sky is blue. There is sun light and we are still alive.

The optimistic frame of mind comes from the news that I have received lately that three people who were close to me when I lived in Houston, B.C have either died or had a close relative die. The school secretary  offered me comfort and solutions to many problems when I moved up north, alone with few possessions, and having two children under the age of six who had chicken pox in tow. My car had a hole in the floor next to the gas pedal that allowed the 30 below air to sweep over us. It was not an easy existence but Margaret made my life tolerable. She has moved on from her battle with cancer and is gone.

By the time I moved back to the Okanagan I had established myself as bloody minded and stubborn. I had spent all of my time working as an English teacher, Drama teacher and had no  emotional or physical support for raising my two children. I had not accumulated friends. Friends take time and effort which I did not have to spare.

On moving day only two people showed up to help us move a household of four bedrooms into a u rent van and a small car and set off on the new life. George, who suddenly died of am embolism after a routine surgery, was one of the two. I think of him gratefully.

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So, as a person who almost hemorrhaged to death in 1974… losing 1/2 of the blood in my body; survived cancer in 1997 that was a close call, and walked away from a car accident that saw our car spiraling from guard rail to guard rail directly in front of a semi-truck, I know fully that  there is a bottom line. It is not financial or cosmetic. The bottom line is the termination contract that we have all signed.

With grief, comes appreciation. Today the sun is shining and I think kindly of those who were there for me in the best way they could be. Thank you.

The door beyond

The door beyond

When does an artist know he or she is “making progress?”

http://www.art-in-progress.org/project/stroll.html Is the sight where I have entered and had accepted my January Stroll project. While I frequently feel that I am not moving forward, am not making the kind of money that I need to finance my career, what I can point to is the fact that I am getting my work into more shows. This year alone I have had works shown in juried shows in Chicago; Ferrar, Italy; Toronto and the newest is the Stroll project in Berkeley, California.

I read a wonderful art blog which I wish I had remembered and could link you to right here. The artist said, basically, that you work on your technique, you work on your voice and then make attempts to get your work out of your studio in any manner that you can. The secret is NOT to attach to the outcome. As Pema Chondra says, “Keep your seat.” Fall off of your central, balanced point neither on the side of depression or of reactive elation. It makes sense in the artistic process as well.

How does one keep in the flow, in the connectedness to self if one turns over the feelings of proper actions to others? You become a puppet just waiting for your strings to be pulled one way or another.

What others can do for you, is feed back the feelings and associations that they have as they interact with your art. I have learned how people feel the energy dance in my work and the joyous, alive feeling that they get from my work. It changes my self-concept. I have often thought of myself as guarded. Frequently, I pull back because I feel as if my life force is too much, too energetic, too colorful.

Now I have learned to work my art until it gets to that central place where “the furnace” lies. It is the force that fires my life. It is the force that has turned me aside from possible destructive behaviours, that has kept me dancing to my own tune.

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Yes, of course I want people to throw themselves into my arms weeping over the beauty of my vision and while they are clasping me close to their hearts, shove thousands of dollars into my pockets. We all want to  be loved, accepted and validated. We all want power. And what I am coming to realize is that I am quite ambitious. However, I am also a warrior. I am ambitious to create beauty, to attract riches and to leave a trail of kindness behind me. Life is NOT a battle except with the self.

If one can live in a way that is about being self without feeling that one has to protect oneself… then there is no hooking into others’ reactions. Unless, of course, they are positive. I’ll take thousands of dollars and expressions of praise… but I am not hungry for them. I feed myself.

The art of living is about living artfully. We all do that in differing ways. Some create art. Others create a beautiful life. Blessings on all who go into the world with intention and a calm heart.

Waiting for spring and flowers

Waiting for spring and flowers


Competition at www.saatchi-gallery

http://www.saatchi-gallery.co.uk/showdown/index.php?showpic=174837

http://www.saatchi-gallery.co.uk/yourgallery/artist_profile/Cherie%2BHanson/33709.html

The above link is to my image at the Saatchi Gallery competition. If you wish to see the image, or vote for it, just click on the link.

Last night I spent three hours researching galleries in Montreal. Today my intention is to, finally, get to the appointment I have for a hip x-ray and to get my files in order in my studio.

So much of life is about the flow. The flow of circulation in the body, the flow of energy as we move, the flow of finding and sending out jpg files with the correct information attached. When I lose focus, the flow stops. It is only after a “pain” errupts that I notice that the maintenance necessary for qi has been disrupted. Slowly, slowly it gets better. Now I am aware of how much better my life is if I am aware of the ebbing of possibilities for growth, movement, going beyond. Two years ago it took a major scream before I heard life speak to me. Now I can hear the gruff voice growl before it becomes a scream.

The intention to keep life organized, to use that as a platform from which to launch off into the chaos and wildly unexpected possibilities of creativity is where I start each day. How to be patient with myself and with those around me who keep grinding over the same lessons much like my hip grinds on the nerve.

If life was a place where we have programmed learning until we go to the next level, then I am ready for moving out of these lessons…. these lessons of order, flow and patience and on to the next inevitable set of frustrations.

$300 18 x 24 Multi-media on canvas
$300 18 x 24 Multi-media on canvas

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New Images of my Studio

The Photographs of Europe will be moving into the Unitarian Church on October 31st. There are two diverse styles because I have the photo based work from Europe which was in Art Walk. The Geometric, abstract images are from the juried show in Florence and the show in Summerland. They will be on their own by November.My work area where I use multimediums to give <span id=Once you are sure of your product finding the right place to buy online comes next. cialis samples http://mouthsofthesouth.com/locations/personal-property-of-gordon-polly-clapp/ In the levitra de prescription 2008 Presidential Election, 98% of Presidential nominee visits were to just 15 states. Experimental work suggests and imbalance in these order cialis overnight bugs can affect the blood circulation. The top number one and two tadalafil uk buy reasons people visit a chiropractor for an initial assessment to determine if disc decompression therapy is appropriate for you. depth to an image” width=”300″ height=”225″ />Old Secretary Desk from my mother\'s houseThe geometric pieces are both bright color and black and whitesgeometrics, painting and european imagesgeometric, abstract pieces

Injured and compensating

Feeling so smug about how much I could carry in my hands… just before the grocery bag ripped the tendons in two fingers in my right hand. Now I can’t uncurl the two middle fingers. This cialis 20mg no prescription http://martinblaser.com/viagra-6115 acts by causing inhibition of the PDE5 enzyme internally and guiding maintenance of the cGMP substance in the body. sildenafil 100mg viagra However, this fun can bring along life risk if the driver is not careful enough. Preferably, staff is prepared and trained viagra sale click to read more procedures are in place before anyone has to talk to parents. It is important that man and his partner directly speak to a doctor or healthcare bulk cialis team about what they can do. Perhaps I should embrace the opportunity to use the left hand more and always, always about patience. Off to mail entry for 3rd ward in Boston, finish small pieces with one hand and hunt and peck the article. Wish me the grace to heal quickly without despair attached.

Rotary centre for the arts gig