What a day. Last night I started having a light flicker at the left periphery of my eye. Great, I thought to myself. Over a year ago the same thing happened in my right eye when my retina tore away from the rest of my eye. It took 53 laser shots to melt the retina to “glue” the edges of the rip.
I am trying to keep my spirits up, my house tidy around me and the long vision. Another month will find me walking, driving, teaching, making art. Patience. I tell myself. Patience.
The possibility of blindness in my left eye kept looming last night. But when I saw the doctor today, I felt better. The doctor feels if I just don’t bounce too much, it is likely to be fine. Okay. So now how do I get from room to room on crutches without bouncing? Interesting.
The only thing to do with so many restrictions was to sit down today with a sweet, thick drink and eat almost half a package of cookies. Since I don’t drink alcohol, or do drugs, I had a cookie binge. I am laying on the couch with my foot elevated and an ice bag on it. The recent full-face plant involved my foot smacking the floor. So I am in retreat, reclining with a lacy cover of cookie crumbs all down my front. It is my version of heroine chic.
I have BEING OUR COMPANION by Michael Brown printed out to use as a work book. Gabor Mate suggested that I would benefit from doing the exercises.
Hey. At least I can get some kind of exercise, right? I visualize an honest, healthy man coming into my life in the future. I picture myself standing in front of a group of people achieving financial strength by doing that which I love, teaching. I envision living in a major centre enjoying the cosmopolitan vitality of the Urban centre. I am surrounded by loving friends, the company of my children, being secure in the relationship with my man and exploring the adventure of being alive.
Through out this “down” time, I hold on to my heart’s desire. And my foot is feeling better after the smacking as the ice pack numbs my toes. What if I could be fully awake with no need for numbness anywhere? Wouldn’t that be a serene way to enjoy life.