It is all about the practice. Life goes on fairly smoothly and we do not need any particular skill.

And then, suddenly white water. It is as one shoots down the rocks, as foam fills the boat that the skill from previous moments is needed. Every time I sit meditation and re dedicate myself to living patiently and with compassion, I am building in the ability to step back and watch instead of getting caught up.

But still, those moments come when life feels out of control. Peril seems imminent and others around you are grabbing onto the delusional framework and closing out the sun. It is, I tell myself, in these moments that we all grow. The work is to welcome the tension and negativity, the exclusions, the perceived slights, the slings and arrows as moments of building strength. The lessons keep coming back.

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The book Status Anxiety is a great book to read about how the games are played to ensure the illusion of power. In theatre, one of the games that we teach students is status play. There are so many subtleties that go into status games. The keeper of the keys, the exclusion of others from information, talking down, talking quickly and impatiently, talking slowly as if the other person is stupid and doesn’t understand. ( The last is one I have used all of my life to feel superior.) Verbally rolling your eyes by using sarcasm is another that many engage in.

The hardest part about being judgmental is that the main target for that constant assessing is … the self. It is like having a red pen and correcting one’s own actions ceaselessly. My intention is to leave this particular weakness behind. It is hard enough to be trying to negotiate the white water of life without having an interior voice carping and assessing about the weakness of technique. Hey, I am still in the boat and moving. Let us celebrate that.