Ten hours sleep and open my eyes to sun. The vibrancy has eluded me. I shift myself up and out into a white terry bathrobe which is on its last fibrous legs. All morning I take my delete scythe and cut through my email. I can feel every micro tear in my newly building body. I am convinced it is a good sign if I can’t… sign that is because my hand and wrist are so painfully obstructed.
We didn’t go up Knox Mountain today but I have mentally moved the day off scheduled for Saturday to become today.
Feeding my eblog site, deleting emails, looking for opportunities through my goggle daily mail outs and loading in images and fluffying up my facebook presence has pretty much taken the day. The justification I can always use for non-action is action. A day off for a workaholic is such a joke.
Vision of reclining in the sun with a glass of lemonade and a book keep glowing on my mental screen. Guilt for not being in the studio, not finishing my housework, not completing my submissions, not getting the last few closets cleaned out…. it is whack a mole for me. No matter what I am doing, I feel quilty for what I am not doing. Hey a no win game.
But as Mr. Tolle says, at least I am watching myself, watching myself.
The lawn waits to be mowed. I might perhaps say the rain forest awaits. This months’ crop of dandelions is spectacular.
Margaret Laurence had in one of her books a photograph of the house she lived in when she wrote some famous work. I could only feel horrified that she had let the lawn go in such a manner. She should have been out straightening the undergrowth and such.
No wonder I only have a window for creation. The rest is spent keeping my surroundings in order. But if it is important…. Peacefulness, calm, the household goddess. The important thing is not to expect perfectionism in all things.
Oh! too late. Perhaps not too late. I could become more perfect about expecting perfections.
Thoughts
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like my own
pet boa constrictor
the mind wraps
around me
remember to breathe
deeply
I tell myself
so the life doesn’t
get crushed out.