Do the Thing You Fear Then the Courage Comes Afterward

I read this in one of the myriad self-help books, on line newsletters, inspirational quotes that I have been exposing myself to as a kind of swimming in hot springs water to heal woundedness. I drove to Vancouver by myself and found my way around the city. Booking into a hotel, seeing the Impressionist show at the Vancouver Art Gallery, having lunch with an internet friend John and driving back home were all out of my comfort zone. But like the shoe trees that I used to buy to stretch my shoes, I am stretching my limits lately.

right next to major transport Bristo Hotel

Linda with the generous heart

Even during the grief of dealing with the death of my step-father, I traveled alone, sat death vigil with him alone and flew back home alone.
The journey to San Diego was much more light-hearted. First because the city itself was experiencing a lift in the gray, foggy weather it had been experiencing for months. The citizens were gloriously happy in the days of sun that began propitiously enough for me the day I arrived. The day I left, on Friday, the weather was back to unseasonably low. In fact, the month of July was the coldest July in 22 years.
Leaving my beautiful hotel which was conveniently right next to the transit store on 1st avenue, I bought a three day pass for $12 and got on the #7  bus to Balboa park. The sun shone and the palm trees whizzed past for a fun and exotic ride.
When the bus arrived, a bunch of us got off and gathered around the map. Three women, including myself began a discussion of where we were and what we were intending to see in the huge park. A blonde woman with two children expressed her interest in the zoo and headed off. Linda, a semi-retired nurse who worked with patients with addiction issues was in town with her husband who was attending a convention. She was taking the opportunity to enjoy the city and had ridden the bus and a train for over an hour to stand beneath this map with me. The two of us formed a friendship and set out to explore the cactus garden.

dates in cactus garden san diego

We came upon a group of first cousins who were all women from differing home town who had gathered for a holiday. A few of them were from Canada, Campbell River and Winnipeg, I believe were mentioned. So now I who had headed out alone am surrounded by friendly, energetic women exploring the world. After we all took one another’s pictures in various groupings, Linda and I set out to the Natural History Museum where we used the facilities and bought lunch at the Dinosaur Cafe beneath a moving replica. A little girl began a narration for us about what the best aspects of the museum were with such an adult confidence that we quickly fell under her spell and listened to a long narration.
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art deco architecture

After she left I went to the Museum of Photographic Art’s Taking Aim exhibition of rock and roll photos. I have seen reproductions of some of these shots but it was really interesting to see them up close. Bob Dylan, Joan Baez, Jimmy Hendrix, John Lennon, Blondie in her underpants working on getting her guitar ready for a performance and Jim Morrison to name a few were stars in the exhibit. In an alcove off of the main exhibit were some wonderful shots of people from various places around the world. The character, vitality and presence of the subjects really brought home our mortality. All of them have passed on, yet their spirits were available for the camera and through the lense to us, today. As we exist to see them, we are very aware of the fact that we too will be gone. It is a circuit of awareness.
Walking around in the sunshine amid happy families, people laying on the grass with a languorous dog with them reading books, fountains playing in the sun, palm trees lined up along the roads was relaxing and deeply satisfying. People’s bodies were relaxed, slow and their faces were smiling. The sense of communal enjoyment was palpable. I did not hear one child cry all day and there were dozens around me at any given time.

public art all along the sidewalks

I caught the tour trolley in the parking lot and for $34 heard a narrative about the history of San Diego that filled me in on the import of things that I was seeing and also gave me a lay-out of the city.
When I returned to Balboa I was feeling a bit lonely. Walking past a family, I saw the Asian father taking pictures but behind him his three black haired son were all wearing red shirts and had climbed a black iron stanchion. With their arms circled around one another elevated in the air against the blue sky, they were beautiful. I pointed out the shot to him. I have a policy which prevents me from getting pictures of children unless their backs are turned or they are at a distance. Not wanting to cause the parents anxiety, has prevented me from taking some amazing pictures.
The father after getting the picture said, “model.” He waved his camera and I thought he wanted me to take a picture of his family. He pushed me between his wife and her sister (perhaps) and I stood there with their arms around me. The sun was shining and I was being held by a family. I felt the gratefulness rise up in me. He said, “California model.” Walking away I had a big smile on my face.

walking around looking at architecture

Balboa cactus garden