Never in my life, except one summer school stint in Bellingham, have I felt so lost and disconnected. The trip to Vancouver was through gray, acid smoke from 400 fires. While most of the journey was unobstructed with vehicles, the last two hours was deadly slow because of construction.
A few drops of rain on the windshield were the only sense that there was a connection to a natural world. The acrid taste of smoke accompanied most of the journey. It was reminiscent of California when we drove through the summer fires.
This morning I met a man from New York who struck up a conversation in the elevator. He is meeting his daughter from San Francisco here in a compromise for travel. Walking down the street, I was engaged in conversation by a young man from Spain. When he said, “Spain” he grew visibly taller and pulled himself up in a proud stance. He is here to study English and was thrilled to hear that I taught it.
Thoughts of tutoring again crossed my mind. If just connecting on the street could open possibilities? In the Blenz Coffee shop where I am grabbing a coffee and using the internet, the girl behind the counter is fresh from Ireland. She came over to get work because there is none there, she informed me.
Once I start moving today, I know my spirits will improve. I intend to leave my car in the hotel lot until I go to the art gallery and meet John to view the exhibit. He is a photographer from Port Coquitlam who is very serious about his “hobby” and takes classes on Whidby Island quite frequently.
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Driving is very hard on my hands and hip. The dull, ache sets in after four hours. I will need to really pace myself. Mostly, I am feeling very much as if I am looking for a purpose. Not knowing where I should live, what I should be doing and who can show up to love me in a way I deserve to be loved is such a strange state. Floating. Unattached. It is not an easy state for a person such as myself.
My goal is to head out and find things to fill myself up. Life give me a top up!
I had a giant suite to myself last night because the clerk gave me a upgrade. It was huge and on the 14th floor. The result was to create such a feeling of singularity. My presence was so small in that giant room. Some of the pictures I took were interesting from the vantage point.
Pursuit of food and amusement comes next today.

protection: gps and buddha