R.D.Laing said we fear three things: death, other people and our own minds. People who have ADD live in low grade depression, are irritable and cynical. What this person misses out on is compassionate curiosity because his or her ability to empathize becomes eroded.
The steps out of addiction/alcohol and compulsive behavior are:
1. Admit you are powerless. (Yes it also AA’s door out of the trap of addiction) An addict/alcoholic feels wooden or alienated. He or she sees his or herself as deprived. To be able to take responsibility and say, “I create the sense of deprivation in my life,” is a major step. The addictive behavior is infantile and a way of self soothing. Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz who is a therapist for OCB stated, “What we are looking for is what we are looking with.” The person has undergo a brain remodel with intention/attention. He or she has to see that the trauma of not being fully loved or protected has set up a pattern of thinking which leads into addiction in order to distract from the primal pain being carried in the neurological system.
In order to modify the internal system it is necessary to live in a better environment, clean orderly surroundings, nutrition, sleep, exercise. The person can select to either be automatic (I always buy a new blouse when I am depressed and then I feel better) or aware ( I am experiencing pain and anxiety right now.)
People who have neurological damage tend to have an over-reaction to stress or perceived stress. The choice is between implicit memory, or a habit of distraction and acting out or impartially observing. An impartial observer says, “Oh look. I feel like buying a blouse. I must be frightened or sad.” (Keep in mind that buying something in and of itself is not a problem. A person buying something who is already in fragile economic condition is now into self-destructive behavior.)
Nietzsche called Buddha, “The profound physiologist,” whose teachings were a kind of mental hygiene. Two automatic responses are: I want a drink or I don’t want to take care of myself. Each of these is automatic attachment. The impartial observer sees either of these automatic responses as thoughts, mere thoughts not necessities.
Dr. Schwartz wrote in his book Brainlock that the way out of patterned responses is to re-label them for what they are. A person has a ritual he or she is using to reduce fear, to distract from anxiety. This person needs to be able to step back and say, “I am having an obsessive thought.” He also points out that each and every time a person gives into an obsessive ritual, he or she strengthens the habit.
2. is to be able to step back and say, “This is my brain giving me false messages.” People who are easily addicted have a neurological problem that creates a gnawing sense of hunger. The dopamine-endorphin receptors are damaged. Dr. Mate recommends that the client treat it like a momentary ringing in the ears. It will go away. He says that a person can say to himself, “Hello old brain circuits.”
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3. refocus. It is not about how you feel: it is about what you do. Try to put off acting out for 15 minutes or 20 minutes to retrain your mind. (This is working for me in my shopping addiction. I have sat in the car waiting for the urge to pass… and it does.) Try another activity. Feel like eating, go for a walk, put on music and dance.
4. re-value. Remind yourself why you aren’t engaging in self destructive behaviour. ( I don’t need a blouse. My visa interest rate is so high I could get something else with that interest money… etc.) The addictive brain assigns a FALSE high value to the behaviour. The term is called salience attribution and it means the addicted brain is replacing love, an intimate relationship, success, feelings of vitality with the object of addictive desire. The frontal cortex is wired in an addicted brain to making you believe that the rewards of the acting out behaviour are more important, more rewarding than the goals stated in the previous sentence. Honesty is one of the first aspects of personality to erode. ( I have told myself that I am not really shopping. It is only a blouse.)
The alcoholic/addict has to be able to answer the question,”What has the action cost me in my life?” Mate says that he treats people who have lost all intimate relationships, lost time, lost energy, lost health, lead them into cheating/lying/hurting people they love, created shame in their identity, betrayed their own core values, taken them away from their life goals.
5. re-create. The recovering client is asked to list his or her core values, his or her goals for life, qualities in his or her personality that he or she wants to hold on to, people or love he or she wishes to keep in his or her life.
Mate goes on to state that an alcoholic/addict is in an infantile state because the self-obsession was a damaged child’s way of surviving. “An addict is an infant.” In order to avoid the shame of acting out, the addict becomes angry and blames others for his or her situation.
(If my visa card didn’t have such high interest I wouldn’t be in so much debt. Ha. again.) The addict/alcoholic acts out when he or she is stressed and has only two emotional responses. One is to isolate him or herself if order to carry out deepening the addiction. The second is to blame/become angry at others who are trying to “control” the addict by stopping him or her from acting out. Any attempt to separate the individual from the addiction will trigger hostility. Any attempt to shame the individual will trigger rage.
Real attachment relationships are based on truth. Therefore an alcoholic/addict is not “in” a real relationship. Alcohol and drugs, according to Mate have a spirit which is an attempt to fill the place of hollow emptiness at the core of an alcoholic/addict.
So the steps for climbing out of the self-destructive cycle as laid out by the best selling book In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts are the five listed above. I find it interesting that the doorway into self discover is to admit one is NOT in control. Many of Gabor Mate’s methods are part of meditative practice and detachment practice. (Observe self without blame as if the self were a small child or a family pet.)