When I think back to what I did yesterday or the day before there is little I can recall. My interpretation of what motions I went through; what I have accomplished I liken to a movie critic addressing a potential audience their construct of the criteria of a good production.

Was it a “successful” day? With the habit of the philosophical mind, I laugh at the possibilities of that word. What is a successful day? If I have kept my plants alive; if I have written a blog; if I have connected with a friend I feel stronger in myself and better about my life. The act of keeping promises to myself is encouraging and helps me to trust myself more implicitly.

Allow

And yet there are always those loose threads of imagining a future fabric that wave in the wind like my Tibetan prayer flags on my back deck. I have so many goals, projects, expectations of perfection flying loose in the air around me, that I can easily feel that I have failed on some level.

The deep discipline is to take myself back to my body. I do a scan of my body and see the areas that are crying out for more attention, for a more loving treatment. A life long pattern of living with pain is not living in wisdom. Something hurts. If this is true, then that is my focus today. The goal is to move through the day paying attention to the signals I am receiving. The body is always first in line. After that, I will attend to my business. Making beds, hanging laundry, cleaning objects, replacing objects can take up to eight hours a day seven days a week.

And then comes paying attention to my protective script. I listen in to see what kind of crops of frustration I am planting in my mind. I stand back and watch the habits of “not enough” ; “not perfect enough” ; “not good enough” being strengthened when I give in to them and let them take over the ground.
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speaking my truth

For me, I think the greatest achievement in my life has been understanding that life is a process. I am a process. My dreams are in production. My skills are building because I attend to them and practice them.

Understanding that I cannot always see what my investment actions are totally up to, helps immensely. Every action; every thought; every new lesson is a coin in the bank. And over time, I will see how it pays off. There is no way of knowing how “successful” I am becoming in the moment. But I do know that I trust myself and the universe more fully than I ever have before.

I am barefoot on the ground taking a breath.