I awoke with the sledge hammer hades migraine that had eaten the left side of my head. My left ear felt invaded by some spine covered probing sea monster arm. The probe included the tightening wrench around my neck vertebrate. As usual, I woke up to a sense that I was in migraine torture land and then after the second full breath everything hit at once. The onslaught of pain, nausea, ear ache, neck saw grinding welcomed me to the day.
Mindfulness practice is so amazing in these times of the wave of physical punishment. I began by breathing into my neck and down my ear. The second issue was to calm down the story my ego was telling me.
Oh yes, you nasty creature, you love these openings for a dark tale that ends in grave markers in the partial darkness in some Victorian church yard. “This is your life from now on,” it hissed at me. “Today will be wasted. Your life will be wasted. You will never become what you want to gloriously be because your body is disintegrating.”
Ego tells an amazing ghost story, doesn’t she. And not just at Halloween.
I had fallen asleep listening to Joe Despinoza describing how he healed his body and did self psychic surgery installing new neurons for calm and optimism.
I had fallen asleep listening to how everything can be changed.
Ego cackled at me, “You can listen to that stuff all day but you can’t escape me. The pain is part of your life path. It is like a pet parasite that is your discomfort companion.”
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I sat and was breathing in light and settling into my body. Don’t resist it. I know this. Simply feel into it and let what ever is happening become part of me.
I took it slow and worked with all of it. There was no crushing defeat, no imprisoning sense of doom. A few tears flowed and I thought, “Pain makes me sad. I feel sad now.”
What I didn’t say was that this was forever, that the sadness would continue that I could never heal myself, that all hope for myself was over. What I didn’t say was that my ego was accurate and that the person I am now will be my forever energy signature.
I just sat. And the physical pain lifted. The emotional thrashing ended. What happens in the new “now places” will be different. Because I am learning and growing.
Despair is for chumps. (I am saying this in a 1930’s gangster movie voice-over).