I have spent the last three weeks reading, watching videos, listening to teachers who talk about the neurological patterning in the brain. These sources all emphasize the signature energy that an individual is operating within. I have downloaded three graphs that breakdown how much each form of emotion carries within it a “force”.

One graph even analyzes which chemicals are released when an individual is experiencing a particular emotion. The stairs spiral up to PEACE and down to GUILT.

For decades I have a practice of observing my thoughts and behaviour. As soon as I wake up, I check in to see where the hell I am now. I scan my body. I search back into my dreams and then I see where my emotions want to take me this particular new beginning.

It is similar to waking up a two year old. “Who will this person be now?” I ask myself about myself.

Last night a guest from India walked around the house most of the night and finally settled into a chair directly by my bedroom door to talk on her cell phone. I threw on my bathrobe and informed her that it would be best if you moved her struggle with insomnia to the kitchen area. Like a bad virus, her disease had become mine.

This morning I was so tempted… so very tempted to let myself sink down. The pain up the left side of my neck and into my ear were signaling that a migraine wanted to start. I have been carefully resting and meditating for three days to clear a cold and raw, sore throat. Yesterday as I sat in the coffee shop, I felt almost normal enough to not “feel myself” at all. I think that is called peace on the spectrum.

And so I put peppermint oil in the diffuser and began to remind myself that I was not a self indulgent weakling who allows the dark webby energy of illness and frustration to obscure my windows. I congratulated myself on being kind and understanding to the woman.

I found my gages, switches, buttons in my control panel and I turned on the higher vibe. As I now look out the window I see the yellow leaves like a thousand shining suns hanging in the air. I see their beauty and radiance. I have been breathing in to clear the guilt of anger that wants to store in my body. I blow it out.

beauty of small things

Remembering that how we feel, how we think, how we treat ourselves is all a result of habit, I once again practice. Lately, I have been in the upper ranges on the vibration charts.
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I know because I find my mind turns to absurdist humour when I feel safe and optimistic. Instead of responding to the political landscape by crouching down into a freshly blow open by explosive news fox hole, I write a comedy script. I find myself amused, my commentary wacky, unexpected and delightful.

My vibration level has moved up the scale. It is easier to resist ‘going out into the garden and eating green worms’. This is a saying my mother would throw at me when I was mourning the lack of care in my home. Nope. I go out looking for fireflies, for golden leaves, for the kind eyes of others.

I bring a light heart. While I was standing in line at London Drugs yesterday, I thought perhaps it was the “scowl” line. Everyone behind me was face- fisted, clenched with downcast eyes. There was a sense of aftermath grief that hung over the mannerly queue.

I put down a candy bar and said, “I am getting this candy bar from New Zealand in order to fool myself into thinking that my life is exotic. Maybe, I will think I have travelled when I eat it.”

Then I told the man behind me it was disgraceful that he had only two small items when I had seen him in the store for two hours. One was supposed to come to the cash register with $100 worth of items one had not intend to buy at all.

what did I buy?

The people in the line began to smile and talk to one another. They talked about their collection of this and thats that they had not intended to buy.

And just like that the entire group moved up a step or two in vibrational energy. It was a group of smiling people who were connecting to one another. It is magic. It is glorious, beautiful magic that happens when one has the courage to just play, fool around, talk to strangers. All energy fields are catching.

So I know I can vibe myself up higher today. It helps that I have promised myself a nap. I am the boss of me. Green worms have never attracted me even once.