The list of those who died last night started to appear on my screen and for the first time in the 19 days I have self-isolated, I began to cry. I was crying for those who have lost a person of meaning in their lives. I could see the vision of a tree that is broken by a storm and the limbs that balanced it out are torn off, dead on the ground.

It is just the beginning. We are just beginning to see those who will be ripped out of our lives and the sense of loss is only now showing up.

My mind goes to my daughter who is in bed having difficulty breathing and my daughter in law who is immune system suppressed. And I know full well everyone alive has people who fill out their lives and make it more beautiful. Many are edgy and anxious.

What if? We are all asking that in our own minds.

I hate change. I hate challenge. I hate feeling as if something I wanted to make me feel safe is going to be taken from me.

In a time like these, we all discover who we are. It is like passing through an X-ray machine. How strong is your backbone? How strong is your spirit?
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Every day is unlike any day before or any day after and now we see that so very clearly. We see it sharply outlined because we are not living in a video game arcade of distraction, repetition, running up scores, proving to others that we are exactly that which fear most we are not.

Today I sat down and cried for a woman in New York who lost a life long friend and for a couple that had been together for 45 years and for the baby who died without its mother near.

We are all this same thing, this shared human experience. And there will be grief.

I can also go out into my yard for 5 days working physically to bring the spring alive. Someone walking by will see the tulips, the roses, the peonies and be comforted.

There are so many important ways to show love. And maybe that is the lesson we are learning.