Change, Change, Change

I can think of only a handful of times (cupped hand not flat ) that I have welcomed in change. Move a few letters around and you have the sound… chains. We like our chains. We lick our wounds. We proudly wear our hair shirts and find comfort in our unnecessary bravery. This is ME! We tell ourselves that. We sing ourselves to sleep with the lullaby of past stories. We reinstall the soft ware of suffering.

It is familiar and we recognized the scarred face of battle and survival. “Yes. I am tough. I am a veteran of so many wars, you would not believe it. Let me recite it for you.”

And then we think as the survivors of multiple wars, people wish for nothing more than to sit with us beneath the full moon in deep darkness. We will build a fire and recount the long, drawn out narrative of every single injury we have experienced. The picture of children gathered around a maimed elder fills us with purpose.

The great addiction is that embracing the beast of pain is familiar. We know how it bites, how to watch carefully so it doesn’t remove an arm, a leg, a cheek. It is my pet. Come to mama, pain.

Change comes into all lives, always. And it is in watching how our bodies, our minds, our adrenal glands react to it that we learn so much about self.

Skilled athletes know how to manage the body in mid-air, diving off of a cliff, plunging into the water, flipping head over heels. They show us that the success is through training and then abandonment to the moment.
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Our lives are full of one event after another. We may contract into the smallest of the tensed up toddler selves when we see what we are called upon to actually experience.

“NO.” This is what the voice inside the body says without mindfulness. “No. I don’t want to grow. No. I don’t want to risk being myself. No. I want to hold onto the tangled net of old rags that is my past as if it is a comfort stuffy… don’t make me let go.”

The work as any athlete or skilled person will tell you is to train yourself beyond the initial reaction. Muscle memory, repetition, mindfulness, being in the moment needs to be deeper than consciousness.

And as the athlete spins over and over high above a ski hill, he submits to each second of the experience. He trusts his body. She trusts her training. They trust the air and gravity. They trust the self that is beyond self. They trust the universe.

As we stand at the doorway of change, we can walk through with confidence if we have trained ourselves to see ingrained habits. We can instantly see fear, see the urge to drag a shadowy overlay of some past story to lay upon and muddy the current experience. Or we can know that the hundreds of times we have seen a “narrative” from the past and simply released it is now a magic power.

Now is new. This now has no past story attached to it. Throw yourself out the door, off the cliff, into the moment. Because change is as natural to us as the next breath. We begin again. Always.