Once a woman who worked in a doctor’s lab told me that more tests were run in the month of February than the other 11 months combined. The sun has disappeared from the Okanagan Valley, the excitement of Christmas is over and the flu has hit many.
For those who don’t have a “big date” occasion on valentine’s day, the days just unwind slowly until warmth returns. It is easy to live life looking forward. Programming expectation. Watching from the shore. Falling through time.
I am still trying to find a way of being that is not passive and recuperative. I know a bad breakup can take two years to recover. But the timer has gone off. It is ringing or dinging or singing. Wake up. Get up. Take a risk.
I am back into working out and eating more carefully. Green smoothies with lots of kale and spinach are actually good. Tofu and fish are the main protein sources. Lifting weights is starting to build back muscle again. Sitting meditation has become automatic and I have begun going for a short walk afterward.
On the night of the full of the moon, I made a new vision board with my new life pictured on it. It feels good to wake up and see it the first thing in the day.
I have a table at Eco Tone festival in the Rotary Centre on Saturday night, will submit one piece to the member’s show at Lake Country. Brew Gallery in Vernon is having a Valentine’s show and I have three pieces going into Sopa Galleries Under 8 show in April 4th to April 14th.
I am taking my second class through the Centre for Spiritual Living and working out of Calling in the One. So much is arising. I am seeing patterns and making discoveries about myself. The failure to be parented in a safe manner has left its mark in my relationship with myself. I get it now and I am learning how to be kind to me.
There are times when I feel a flood of love for all of those I know. It is a powerful moment that stops time. I think of those who have looked at me with affection, of those who have said kind things, brought me a cup of tea, opened a door, listening to me when I was falling apart. It is such a gift. And I understand it now.
My heart opens when I sing in choir. I dissolve into a beautiful open place where there are no limits. It is ecstatic. Reciting poet
I will be reading at the Kelowna Public Library on Feb 13th and on March 2nd I will be reciting at the Lake Country Art Gallery. Other public poetry readings that come up in the next few months are great opportunities to practice and present my new works.
Getting back “on calendar” has been an adjustment. I have been floating in deep space for the last few years and now I want back in… back into life.
Where do I go next? The fact Naropa’s low residency program has shut down means I have to relay plans. There is so much I want out of life, my new books published, the chance to help others, the presence of the beautiful healthy man who will be my life partner…. it is all just out there. Somewhere beyond February there burns a light.