Are We Open to the Lessons?

The air is moving through the house. The Sun is bright but turned down a few degrees as nature slides us into winter. I have completed the second edit of my anthology entitled Facing In: poems posted on Facebook 2011. Each page has from two to three short poems paired with an image from my art work.

varigated gladiola

This time, because the subject was specifically the observation of self, I used the close-up shots of flowers as the theme. Last time, the anthology Facing It was about the feeling of explosive disintegration of the old structures in my life.

So the second edit, is done. The art is selected. I am feeling much stronger as I move through my goals. Action itself is drawing me forward.

However, I am very pleased that I have not let the frenetic, robotic work addiction act as a medication for my grief. For the first time in my life, I have sat with my sadness and processed it. The time spent meditating and writing has helped me to reform myself.

So my intention is to work from an interior sense of desire rather than to drive myself forward like an oxen. And it is surprising how much gets accomplished without the release of adrenaline.

Strangely enough, a man came to my door today who had lessons to teach me. The reason he knocked on the door was fairly pedestrian. But he taught me a great deal. He reminded me about laying my burdens down in the Divine. He encouraged me to keep moving and rebuilding my life. Two years ago, his life was dismantled and he has gone on to build a more solid, spiritual and contented place to dwell.
I am learning that if I am quiet enough, the universe speaks.

So I continue to work on my second anthology, my photography images, to publicize my courses which I will be teaching at UBC-O Continuing studies and to encourage others to buy my first ebook. The mixed media course will take students into the exploration of an entirely new concept.

Standing up in what and who I am means being able to believe that what I do is worth value. Moving forward with confidence and without ego is an admirable goal. I am encouraging myself to keep moving on that path.

Some of the courses which I intend to benefit from are Lee Harris’ energy workshop here in Kelowna.

Another is an on line course through Hay House called entitled Cracking the Karma Code.

The third just came to me yesterday which is an on line extended class in Ayahuasca wisdom.

I am in school. I am open to learning. What I learned today through watching others and myself is that if we put up defenses, we are not allowing the messenger to get through. Relax, accept, feel and speak from the heart. You can still go wrong. It can all go very wrong. But staying in a tight safe place is not growing. And I want to grow without having life show up with a battering ram and break down me down.

looking inward

Like unpicking a tapestry: inventory

Listening to Leonard Cohen and loading in my gallery is how I spent the evening. Leonard lost it all and had to tour at 70 years of age .
So I am inspired about keeping focused and making it happen. For the last week I have measured, photographed and prepared the photos for upload to my web site. I am about half way after five 12 hours days. I will complete my task. The protestant work ethic and the blessings of OCD are on my side.

green waves 12 x 12 x 12 triangle

I finished making 200 Christmas cards and sat the Summerland Art Gallery Sparkle show today.
Strange, isn’t it when a person is so engaged in tedium that doing laundry seems like a reprieve. Everything is dependent. Mind set is all.
After I finish the gallery on my site, I am going into production of an ebook about my experiences falling through levels of deception this last 11 months. Learning to look the lie in the eye. Learning to forgive myself for the fantasy reality which was really a nightmare, will take some courage.

But I am up to it. While I was on a ayahuasca journey, I met my guardian dragon whose name is Alfried. He sits on my right side and assures me he will eat anyone who tries to harm me.
I believe he is talking metaphorically because he made me laugh when he said it to me. So to be more clear, what I realized is that I have always been able to defend myself. That I can own my masculine energy and make things happen in my world. For instance, I can get my art work moved into a business and I can create books with the words I weave.
Today I sang, “You are the tea in my coffee,” on the way to the Superstore and laughed really hard. My mind was telling me that some pseudo love relationships are just the wrong mix.
At the store, I ran into a wonderful, radiant friend who seemed lost in grief. She seemed to be about to cry. I talked with her and while I was conversing, I wrapped her in a blanket of loving energy. We both walked away with big smiles on our faces.

fresh snow on a tree is glorious, momentary power

After that I saw an Asian man standing at the end of the check out waiting for his wife. Not looking grief stricken, not numbed out or stoney faced. He was dancing a waltz with his daughter including the turns. What a gift. What a gift it was for me to go to the store tonight. I came away with a car full of joy.