Monthly Archives: June 2008

Confusing Myself: skill de jour

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My mind

A gift basket

of items:

This and that

The ideas all waiting to be

unwrapped.

I am enraputured

with

a million

incoming bright lights.

And all the while

the video
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I watched on

String theory and

Quantum mechanics

sparkles

between the

thought lists.

I am confusion myself

with possibilities…

Again.

Today, I have a sunburned neck from painting in the sun six hours….no not art. The fence between ourselves and our soon to be next door neighbours. The six twenty year olds, contravening bylaws, will move in soon and the territory we shared quite peacefully with our resident neighbour now becomes a territory to be protected. We have begun cleaning up the backyard in anticipation of the arrival of our family. Granddaughters do not need exacto blades, nails and porcupine lumber to play with. They might be attracted to it, but what attracts is not necessarily the best thing for any of us.

I found an owl’s feather on the ground. It is amazingly beautiful, light and soft. So different from the aspect of the owl itself which was forbidding at best. When it turned its head around to look at us, it was frightening probably because the owl itself was so frightened by the attack of crows. Lesson about nature. When attacked, fear turns to ferocity.

Judgment and Lightness

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Peace Rose

Yesterday, I picked a beautiful purple rose that has only perfume no thorns about its being. My practice is to go out on my bike to work, carrying a rose. The first person who remarks on the rose peeking out of my purse is the owner.

As I was riding, I saw a young woman wearing very short shorts with cuffs. My mind began, “Those shorts are extremely short. That is strange to see in Kelowna. I wish I had young legs and looked that good. What is she doing showing herself off like that. BlahBlahBlah.” As I passed her, the rose fell out on the ground. She spoke to me in a clear, sweet voice and said, “Pardon, you have drop something.” She was from Quebec. I yelled over my shoulder, “Thank you. The rose is yours.”
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What an amazing experience to go from having my mind chattering along in its anxious, jealous, negative manner and then feeling light, free and really, really good about myself and life. I could feel the weight lifting. Oh, I thought to myself, that is what Pema Chondra, Thich Nah Han and others are trying to show me.

It just feels better to be generous in spirit than to be jealous. It is ultimately good medicine.

Owl trapped in Tree

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Yesterday a horned owl sat stoically in a tree from 1:30 in the afternoon until night fall. He frequently sits on the telephone poles, according to my urban hiker neighbour, scowling for mice. Yesterday he made an error. The Maple tree in our side yard harbors a nest of young crows. The entire crow community for five blocks which is comprised of more than twenty members were on screetch alert. They dived bombed, yelled, circled and generally harassed the owl who could not in safety move at all. Feathers ended up on the lawn, white and gray fluffy feathers.

This period of six hours was cacophonous and head splitting. The fury, the noise, the vigilance was impressive.
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It was interesting for me to observe in myself a shifting of alleigancies. At first, I thought, “poor baby birds, poor anxious parents.” Then after going outside and experiencing the ferociousness of the onslaught, I began to feel pity for the owl. After enough hours, I began to be more concerned about the ruckus itself and not its cause. Interesting that I feel I have to make a value judgment, isn’t it. The owl is simply looking for a way to survive, his meal. The crows are simply looking for a way to survive, the protection of progeny. The scenario was as stirring as any movie. Who wins? There is no winning or losing. There is just living out the moment.

Thursday Finding My Feet

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Since Saturday, raging migraine and pain in my side. I have never before walked out of an emergency ward visit, but last Sunday night after five hours of gripping pain I was ushered into a narrow hallway where a line of us sat facing a wall. Some had Iv’s, some were vomiting, one was moaning.

Thinking about how stoic Canadians are, I realized that we were all adhering to the cultural rules. This is not a Latino country or the American South. There is no bombast. People meekly held on to the arms of their chairs, tried to vomit courteously and actually get to the one bathroom we all shared. Only one woman was crying but one could tell that the others felt her unseemly display inappropriate ( she must be a drug-addict) Buddah headand it only spurred the rest of us on to wait demurely. It was so like our waiting in B.C.A.A. the next day for our time at the counter. No one looks at or smiles to another. There is a long and convoluted etiquette about sitting in the emergency ward.

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We get the kind of system we deserve, I guess. Why we have an olympic sized pool in the rich-Mission and our taxes are arising and why the ill, the elderly and the disenfranchased have little resources available to them is a mystery. My mind kept going back to the “hospitals” that I saw depicted in Europe when the churches created bunks of beds for the poor to lay their relatives in, two or three together, to die with the reassuring presence of the clergy. Could we be headed that way? At least they were laying down.

Hurry Up and Wait: Planning

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autumnal walk presents the beauty of rose hips

Yes, going to get up at 7 be at the store by 8, get to the studio. No it is raining, wait, wait, wait.

Whenever plans are laid in conjunction with others there is the variant. Patience. The constant working on patience. I liken it to sanding. Our surfaces become smoother over time with the abrasion between. It must be gentle or there is gouging. No gouging allowed.
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My intention is to place on my site a whole list of web sites for education about the environmental condition of the earth… a kind of MRI of our present state of becoming unbecoming. It is in the mind, floating around. Stay tuned.

Today I work on my submissions for a local art shop, finish two images I have been painting for the last two weeks and it is my plan to work some graphics… but we all know where plans can end up.