Chestnut tree wants spring

All around me today I experienced elderly people driving, standing in line, talking to clerks. They were struggling. One man looked like his legs were on backwards from the knees down. He was holding himself up with two walking sticks as his question mark shaped wife struggled to get his walker out of the car. She pulled. He leaned. The question of timing was paramount. Could she get the support she needed out of the car before he totally collapsed?

A woman who didn’t understand about her telus bill, had trouble reading and couldn’t hear the voice of the service person through the phone handed to her at the counter explained that, no she didn’t have email. She didn’t have a fax. Could the person please speak up? Her husband sat adrift in the waiting chairs not looking at anything. Not interested in anything. Waiting for her to pick him up from the chair and take him to the car.

A silver haired woman swung wide and turned left into the right hand lane without looking. Another small driver that could only be seen as the sun glistened off of hair later changed lanes almost clipping my car, without even noticing.
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While I am experiencing some trepidation about flying to Portland on my own, driving an unknown car, carrying legal papers, computer etc on my back in the backpack, I realized today that I need to do things that are difficult or challenging. I need to take what appears to be uncomfortable decisions.

I know that these hands will cease to move. Death is inevitable. The brain that I use as a tool and that uses me as a tool will become mere molecules. The only memories that will remain will be those that are held in the minds of others.

But for now, activity, taking on challenges, taking care of my body, staying in a loving heart will make the journey more pleasant. As I deal with my father’s death, as I think about his weakening, everywhere I looked today I saw those who are impaired by age, crippled by their bodies. And it made me think about impermanance and the need to love.