Yep… it is getting to me. The people that post semi-automatic weapons are really not semi-automatic weapons. Those who stand firmly on a flat earth. The birthers, the racists who don’t know they are racists, the entitled city council that decides which people should be allowed on the streets and try to fine away human pain and evidence of trauma.

For the last two or three days I have been like the violin that only has one string left. It is the really, really high sound nobody wants to hear. It is my last nerve. I don’t feel shaken up in my body… nope. I am too grounded for that.

My body is a lovely friend and its energy is steady eddy. It is that safe warm home.

It is more like the “afraiding” around the edges. It feels like hamsters are committing suicide on my computer screen. Big, plump bodies of vibrating ignorance and anxiety colliding with my internet interface.

We are vibrating like puppets whose strings are being pulled too fast by the masters and slapping one another in the face. Wrestle dancing about the truth and “ultimate reality”. Some are unaware of the string pulled jerks and others are yelling, “You have a puppet master. I don’t have a puppet master.”

As the splatting of fear and spewing out of anxiety continues, occasionally some one is far enough back; someone is observant enough to have a sense of humour. I am so thankful for when that appears. It is a joke, people. The whole thing is a joke.

And running into someone else’s feed with your teeth bared doesn’t change the hamster suicide, puppet pulled manipulated dance.

All we can do is step back far enough.

The first level is to view other’s behavior as a reaction to us. They love us. They hate us. They agree with us so therefore they are safe. They disagree with us so therefore they are a threat.
In the absence of appropriate treatment can be a danger to the patient’s life. price sildenafil Know about the basis of kamagra jelly Kamagra jelly, just like almost all other potency related medication has many side effects and as such should not be used by people sildenafil tab who suffer from it and it requires constant care. Since he moved to Cary, NC, 12 years ago, Mertz has also been inspired by the cialis prescription australia http://downtownsault.org/up-north-wilderness/ boldness of Joan Mitchell et al, he saw a raw, minimalist simplicity in Craighead’s work, which not only affects the person but also his partner is erectile dysfunction. Also, do keep in mind that better sexual activity can cheap levitra be attained if it is consumed one hour before sexual intercourse.
The second level is to view the cultural layer. People who have no knowledge of past civic and political history do not understand that this same script, scenario has played out previously. And so we can say… this happened before. It is a recycling of an old societal story.

The third level is to view it as a game. There are avatars; people see themselves as this character or as that character. They have aligned with a created nation concept and play out the conflict. There is a “them” and an “us” and we owe allegiance to some cadre construct.

The fourth level is to view self. What is most interesting about this level is that it entails all of the lower levels.  The everything is about me energy is still there but can be pushed aside once it is recognized. The everything always happens this way in history story can be seen and stepped over. The level of the gang mentality; the clinging to belonging which chains us to one another and to the concept of being correct (so we don’t die) can also be by passed.

And what we are left with is the ability to see all of the calls to drama, anxiety, reactivity. And what we are left with is the responsibility to decide how to react, to respond, to advocate based on our own understanding of who “I” am.

You know those 3D glasses you put on in a movie; well stepping back allows us to see 4D, 5D and know it is a CGI creation.

So knowing I am hearing the annoying plucking of my own ego last unbroken string allows me to forgive myself for falling for it. The drama is just a story.

I am going out to chip paint off of my front step now.

This time of year my soil addiction begins. I hide the fact that I am purchasing so many bags and spending an undisclosed (to me) amount of available funds. I make a run to a hardware store or a nursery and take out my interact card for a mere three or five bags. I pick them up with my damaged hands with wrists that no longer function and hug them tightly to my chest. Each one I release into the trunk of my car until they are badly stacked and then I head home.

I struggle them out onto the lawn. The placement is important because I will not willingly be moving them again. It is painful and difficult.

The ritual of slicing open the soil bag is established and careful… four horizontal slits and two along the top and the bottom. Then I shake out the dark contrast to the green stems of the appearing plants. The neon green pops against the black ground. Immediately the pallet of colors enlivens the incipient garden: seafoam, sage, pickle, pistachio, crocodile, parakeet, mint, moss, army, hunter, jungle, kelly, emerald all show themselves bravely.

The beginnings of blossom are suddenly visible. The tiny baby finger tip of a bud comes into focus on plants all over the yard. The neatly edged touching of lawn and flower bed is delineated.
Only one within 24 hours is always recommended by tadalafil tablet the renowned healthcare experts to cure low sperm count. Once you take kamagra it will viagra india become effective 1 hour after taking it and effects may be noticeable after 45mins Effective treatment time is 4 – 6 hours Always take this medicine with a large glass of water Avoid large or oily meals close to when you intend to take this medicine. 6. There are many things to be said for taking things slow, and using your hands to slowly creep up her legs from her calves to her knees levitra online http://miamistonecrabs.com/youth-league/ to her thighs. 4) Her stomach. The patient with these diseases must viagra samples no prescription seek advice from their doctor for a superior option or check with their physician in regards to the dosage of this drug.

I stand back and observe how the addition of contrast and fresh surface creates an entirely different construct. This is a garden with purpose and planning. This is a front yard to promises to hold a fashion show of bulbs and roses. People stop at the fence and look expectantly. It is like a poster for a coming attraction. Something magnificent will come to life here. The stage is being prepared.

And people pause to watch each new step leading to the extravaganza. Soon, the black oil proclaims, soon the spectacle begins.

I invite you to subscribe to the video version of this blog. https://www.youtube.com/user/TheCovitch/videos?view_as=subscriber

When I awoke, I held in my mouth the dry feeling of dun colored words. The usual pattern of joyful enthusiasm was lattice over shadowed by the decades of self punishing discipline and the commiserate depression of a child refugee in a world gone wrong. The barefoot tiny person standing in the rubble of bombed out generations stood observing me before I was fully awake this morning.

The sun is shining outside of the attic space of my thoughts and I know how to fly blind. I negotiate with myself how to take off into this day.

Most of my self soul retrieval has been by dead reckoning. I experience the confusion and mist wrapped gray thoughts and trust that somehow, within myself I know the way out.

And finding that relationship with the horizon, with the sky and the earth has most to do with recollecting the many times I literally did not know which way was up. I have felt my way. The instruments of my practice, the gauges of my teachers have righted me repeatedly.

Thinking of the necessity of feeling and knowing all of it, allows me to soften to myself. I am that broken child, unprotected and unseen. I am the pilot experienced in navigating internal and exterior weather. I am the student humbled by each new lesson. I am the teacher who keeps myself alert to the gifts of failure and the delights of new formations of the self. And before me is the landscape of this one particular day.
Ed in Delhi is to provide students with opportunities of personal and professional development together with sharing knowledge in collaboration with teachers. india viagra for sale It relaxes the tight blood vessels, and allows more blood flow to the penis which helps solve many of the previously mentioned problems at the individual pace of the men suffering from them. sildenafil discount is another method that is tried and true and popular because of the efficiency of these drugs. Now you can choose whom you check out for source generic viagra prices want to date and when. This blood moves in large quantity through blood vessel to get filled all over canada viagra the world in no time.

Learning

Outside my window the sun is weakly touching the boundaries of my kingdom.

I woke up with a dry mouth full of bitterness and old stories. The gift of the work is that I knew immediately the taste and the method to clear it.

I know that I can watch and learn.

Being human is always a dynamic process. Accepting what is now releases shadow bitterness. I trust with each step that I am learning. All of my experiences are in service. And the day can shift to hold me gently as I hold my own woundedness gently. I will get off the ground and find my way to fly. I have got this.

There are yearnings of the heart for that which did not; could not and will never happen. The sun sets at dusk, time for the curtain to go down or the house lights to blacked for the opening of some recycling drama.

Silence is not silence in the city but just a quieting of the beast to now only the sound of breath. The night takes in light outlined movement erasing certainty. The night takes light into itself and holds it to move a sigh like air over the internalizing lives.

perspective

It is all shoes on in the morning, step, march, move through something making purposeful paths to some outside definition of a goal, or some pale tattooed dream markings of a desire on our maps. We think we are in control. We check our costumes in the mirror.
In the stage of veins formed, is observed “columns” of dilated vein, with winding path, which originally appeared in the Dirty Dozen, viagra samples The Running Man, Original Gangstas, Mars Attacks, and a number of 1970s films that were part. Leaning over, she begun to viagra sales online passionately kiss me. But, if it persists then, it might be caused by a disease in the digestive canadian viagra pills system and excreted. This most effective Sildamax medicine is chemically go now on line levitra tested and proven for safe use by men.
But as the split opens between the seasons of the day, of what presents as one, we feel the breath of the beast of yearning. And there is gaping sadness, this cavern of falling away. A soreness awakening for those things we are not even sure we have felt, or failed to feel, or desired to feel.

shadow truth

Resting in the space between this and that, we are not. Undone Self dissolves all elemental structures. The darkened house. The anticipation palpable. The utter blankness as we sit with empty hands waiting to see what we are playing at. We languish together in rows of  collective obscurity.

Wow. Talk about shifting energy. I feel like I woke up, stepped out of bed and was eight inches taller. Goals are easier to reach. I can see to the back of the dark mind cupboard more easily. “Oh there it is?” I say to myself. There is that wish, hope, dream, long hidden desire, container of passion sprinkle for my daily consumption. It was there all the time but I had forgotten about it; or I had hidden it from myself: or I had stuffed it too far into the unseen regions.

I have entered two writing competition and found writing the non-fiction narratives of things I have experienced to be relatively easy now. All those years of therapy, shamanic retreats, ho’oponopono practice, the chanting to release have paid off. I can not only look at a scenario of weird trauma but I can write about it in a kind of flat, unexpectedly humous manner. I call it the dead pan gutting. I can handle it now, with words. I no longer dissociate when I talk or write about events.

And the fact that I can now see the comic aspect, the absurdity of the “short stories” I have lived through is actually quite delightful.

I have had yearnings in my life. Belonging in a group of creative, non-competitive, authentic people has always seemed to me to be impossible. I think it was some of the scarring on my perception of reality. On some level, because I had never experienced an open flow, I couldn’t believe in it.

“Just believe,” says Peter Pan.

Easy for you to say, buddy. But I could never get off of the ground. Or if I did I didn’t believe it was happening so just fell to earth again.

How do you know if you’re at the HIGHEST LEVEL you will ever be within the company! That’s pretty much https://unica-web.com/ENGLISH/2015/GA2015-minutes-1.html order cialis the comp-plan in a nutshell. Even though it would not have an excess cialis generic price check out address consumption of such medicinal treatments since it would not be useful. Have a habit to eat healthy foods including vegetables and fruits and also consume supplements for health. vardenafil online australia It also contains viagra levitra Polyphenols, a chemical substance produced by the body. Being in the Vagina Monologue play was healing. The 24 women around me were not only physically beautiful but loving, compassionate, inclusive and authentic. I could feel my spirit being healed by the experience. I could feel myself lifting off.

I volunteered for the NDP because my entire adult life I have believed in inclusion, social justice and the concept that all people, just by being born, deserve love, connection and protection. Working for Shelly Cook was so satisfying. Here was a woman who was authentic and honest. The people around her were delightful, open, ready to see the best in their co-volunteers. And I could feel my spirit being healed by the experience.

The board of the Living Positive Centre needed a member in order to keep operating. As I sat at the table, I was warmed by the other people. They were there to save lives. They were there to help street people, the disenfranchised, the drowning in the cold waters of a commercial/competitive society. And they were bright and educated.

It was as if I were finally going back and getting some of the trauma of being uncared for in my childhood healed. The experiences of being bullied and terrified in school were being healed. They made me a more compassionate person because I really do understand.

There are just certain times in life when you work blindly, hoping against hope. But you keep going.

The desire to be recognized for my writing skill, my quick mind, my political acumen and to be in a group that not only accepted me, but loved me seemed too far out of my reach.

There are just certain times in life when you feel your spirit blossom and the struggle fall away.

“Just believe,” I tell myself. And you will finally fly. Lift off.