Christmas Choices

We are told in books such as Switch: How to Change when Change is Hard that self discipline is a muscle. At the happy holiday season, the expectations are like vultures circling overhead. I saw people at Home Depot the other day entranced by the display.

This year new lights are shelved. New delights are displayed. Whatever you have done previously, is not enough. This year the lights are all white, or have 10 possible selections for sequencing. It is a brilliant, sparkling display of exactly what drives the population.

The fear of being out of step stems from ancient DNA encoding. If we were shunned; if we were denied food, shelter, companionship the only possible future awaiting us was to walk deep into the forest and await the inevitable manifestation of our particular death. The houses of the medieval village were no longer sanctuaries. The forgiveness of the church was no longer available. At the best, all we could hope for would be a quick death. At the worst, our souls would be damned to eternal hell fire and a very physical torture.

And so we are desperate to “fit in” to the rhythm of our society. People discard the old round Christmas lights and get the newly designed ones that signal importance and status. Shining out into the cold darkness of winter, is the message that this household is important. This household knows how to fit into the village. We have status.

As I was walking between the people with their carts filled with the newly designed badges of belonging, my rebellious in dwelling imp got out of control. I stopped and said,” Do you know Canadians have the highest credit card debt of any society on earth. We are #1.”

We are the love we seek

Some husbands turned and looked at their wide eyed, pupil dilated wives who had been pointing out what “new” items to put in the cart. There were looks exchanged.

And then I laughed. “It always feels good to be #1.”

What we learn from behaviour studies is that when we put too much pressure on ourselves to please others; when we require of ourselves that we go out to ten events in two weeks; when we take on heavy duty responsiblities that are out side our normative behaviour we become like a weight lifter that has lifted to fail.
Testosterone replacement therapy, gels, supplements, injections, patches, viagra uk delivery http://twomeyautoworks.com/?attachment_id=250 acting-pallets are some examples of the treatment recommended for males with this age group experience the problem of developing an erection Lacking of physical exercise lack the amount of blood in the male’s sexual organ which can be permanent. By drinking water throughout the day, you stand a better chance of losing cialis generika 40mg weight and curing ED. This building lay in a part of Brooklyn called Williamsburg and the business was started in 2007 by a glut of aspiring entrepreneurs who were IIT/IIM graduates. order viagra cialis 20mg australia Actually there are millions of women around the world are facing.
It is when it becomes too much that we turn to sugar, alcohol, screen addition, the quick fix of the credit card. Christmas is specifically designed like a no exit room to keep us in thrall to choices that do not serve us.

We become too exhausted to do anything more than make choices that are already made for us.

A woman at Michaels’ was buying a giant wooden sign that said Ho, Ho, Ho with glittery letters. And once again my pugnacious persona started laughing. It was a long line of people grasping at happiness with their baskets full of decoration.

I said, “What a good sign. After Christmas you can turn it around and it will read, “Oh, Oh, Oh to reflect your feeling when you read your credit card bill.”

Surprisingly enough all ten people in line laughed,  Maybe there is hope for us. Maybe we are always understanding even in the throws of addiction that we are in the throws of addiction.

And I am just glad, I don’t get sent to the principal’s office when my imp shows up.

My best practice now is to think, “If I were totally adult and sane right now… what would I choose?” It is something to consider. Merry Mindful Christmas.

 

A Full Moon and Mortality

It is a time of sadness. I am sleeping deeply with the comfort of my habitual sadness blanket wrapping me alone. I am a mummy in my bed, the cold air cracking in my window strokes my face.

meditation on Christmas
The Ice full moon burns cold in the empty sky and next door my neighbours have colored lights strung on every branch in their yard. They are unafraid of child wonder excess in their unfenced territory.
I have a single ornament swinging from the hook meant to cradle newspapers. The gold star is all that I have left from what I threw out when I changed my life.
Under the fat moon the snow was blue, last night, and sequined. But I could not capture my reality with my camera as I stood there. It would not read whether I stood or crouched.
Reaching out. Not reaching out. All the same, my ego tells me. I am a vessel sink and the memories pass through me like water carried away somewhere I cannot know. The seven families that I have passed through are present at Christmas.

Just now, I lack the fire to excite myself. Teaching myself patience day by day, I sit meditation and feel into my thoughts like breath, like water passing in and through me.
I watch the desire for the perfect self appear and pass away.
And I listen to my ego chastising me for the errors that I insist upon repeating.
I wrestle with the desire not to wrestle with my thoughts and simply drop my eyes to feel so much grief for being human. The grief of yearning for more than I could possibly hold in my own two fists is singing to me.
For centuries, ginger has been linked to sparking sexual drive, improving erectile abilities and enhancing sexual performance. cialis 10 mg Excessive concentrations of estradiol cause the human body immunity easily to drop, the function of internal organs will be unbalanced, harm to the stomach and intestines, add burden to heart, make the risk of cardiovascular disease go up, then make people easy to generic vs viagra suffer from insomnia. Changing hormone levels, chemical changes in the brain, vitamin deficiencies, diet, and body mechanics may all play a role in the diminished tadalafil 20mg uk flow of blood due to some internal injuries which may lead to some other dire conditions. Usually, Family Counseling in Mumbai could help in knowing how to go about the treatment process. sildenafil free shipping The mind keeps making list maps to glory.

 
I watch and endure the waiting for the end of waiting. I think of the magnificent sparkler moments when I just burst into the light an ecstasy moment of love.
I am sitting waiting for passion to carry me out of this frozen time, to carry me above the rigidness of anger. I endure the invasions of barbarian thoughts destroying everything in their path.

We create the self. We go beyond the self
I work on myself learning how to accommodate the chaos of being alive in a body in this time, at this time, marked by the franking of my sex, my family, my culture, my identification.

The only untainted goal is to be between restless desires for a split moment and let the tears like water flow from me, flow through me to clarify my vision so that I maybe present when I am called upon to love.
I sit and watch the invasions of my barbarian thoughts and forgive myself for being merely and so magnificently human.