Once again, I awoke with a crushing migraine. The pain was chiseling into my ear canal and down my neck. I took two anti-inflammatory pills and gulped some ginger ale to deal with the nausea arising.
Why? I started to ask myself. And then I stopped that flashlight cut of possible thought path in the darkness of my ignorance. I clicked it off with a flick of the switch.
It happens. Click. Done with speculation. Weather changes or working out hard with my weights or unseen/unfelt stress could be the reason for these recurring days of pain.
I swallowed the pain pills, washed away the nausea with ginger ale and lay back down. Nope. Not going to try to start this day yet.
“Kind thoughts, “I reminded myself. I have been working on my goals. I have not gotten lost in anticipating pain or joy.
Yesterday I took the refrigerator away from the wall and cleaned the thick, matted hidden dirt behind it. I cleaned it out by first removing all shelves and drawers. And now the refrigerator is clean. I did that. Even on a day where I was tempted to growl at winter, at my ever growing weight, at the blinding glow visions of what I should be doing, I made steps.
The siren call to see life as easy, beautiful, instantaneously better is just as debilitating as is the abusive interior voice explaining to me exactly how skillfully I am failing myself. The magical thinking, perpetually burbling optimism leads inevitably to the twilight night of the soul.
Sildenafil Citrate tablets works by inhibiting cGMP-specific phosphodiesterase type 5 (PDE5), an enzyme that promotes degradation of cGMP, which regulates blood flow in their private organs which leads to lack of sexual desire or ED as the central nervous system diseases such as prescription viagra online a stroke, syphilis, multiple sclerosis and spinal injuries. * Surgeries on male genitals, prostate or the back. * Exposure to toxic chemicals over a long time. Branded cheap cialis http://miamistonecrabs.com/boys-lacrosse/ and cialis are prescribed medicines therefore obtainable after a doctor’s prescription. It can also improve the immune cialis pill from india system and treat arthritis and diabetes. Who is right expert to consult? viagra price http://miamistonecrabs.com/category/shop/merchandise/ Most males encounter erectile dysfunction on an occasional basis, but others may notice it on a regular basis.I meditated, I stretched, I worked out, I wrote a speech, cleaned and dealt with the neglected refrigerator. But was it enough? Did I do enough to bring in the sparkling transformative future I imagine for myself? What do I do for my gown;crown, magic wand existence to poof into reality?
Or is the question really, did I do enough to be satisfied with my life? Did I live my day in a way that gives me peace? Am I trustworthy? Can I leave my quivering, insecure, needy child self with this person called ME? Basically, that is the heart of the matter.
And the temptation to want to live in the sparkling perfection of success, does nothing to make my life better. To stop and see that I am making the effort to teach myself to live responsibly, to deal with problems as they arrive and to understand that victory does not come with a trophy is what I am teaching myself.
I open the door of the refrigerator and see what actions I have taken. It isn’t magic. It isn’t spectacular. But even in the throws of snow storms, cold winds, I have made an effort. And it is, in fact, the habit of effort that creates a new life. Maybe it isn’t an enchanted sailing ship but rather a row boat… this Spring. I am on the oars. Go me!
