Is it possible to change ingrained patterns?

I have been carrying around the magpie thought  during meditation that I wish to start reciting St. Francis’ prayer during my meditation practices. How amusing that my meditative practice continues to be interrupted by my mind planning and spinning off into the future. It is the mental trap that I inevitably fall into. I can only watch and be amused.

heart of tulip

heart of tulip

Throughout my life I have anaesthetized myself by planning, executing and cleaning up after projects. It has lead me to having two degrees by the time I was 22. It has lead me to volunteering for and running various non-profit organizations.

However, the coping mechanism has also left me exhausted, close to death on two occasions and bereft of friendship and support.

Once when I was taking an English novel class a very wise professor stated that the strength of the characters in the enclosed world of the novel was also the great weakness. Every once in a while, we receive information that is an epiphany. We see light where there was once puzzling gray light.

To learn to forgive oneself for surviving even thriving through coping mechanisms is beside the point. It is like fashion. It worked. It even looked stunning on us. But now it is time to leave the shoulder pads of a football player behind and to adapt a new style of living.

Knowing that in time, I will accomplish that which I have set out to do is reassuring. Even more assuring is the thought that by slowing down my mind and winnowing down the frantic list making activity I open up possibilities and time for new energies to enter.

So here is St. Francis’ prayer which I will begin to incorporate in my practice of compassion and mindfulness. Yeah!

Stargazer with sweet smell

Stargazer with sweet smell

The Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

http://www.prayerguide.org.uk/stfrancis.htm

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