Ten pm at night was a neighbourhood experience. After the large, fat, wet snow flakes fell caught in the trees, piled delicately on the fence posts, four of us simultaneously went outside to clear our sidewalks.
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Tag Archives: Kelowna artist
Christmas Clarity
The air is crisp and cool. The season is settling in throughout the continent. I saw a video of the opening of a new outdoor ice arena in Mexico.
In the Eastern section of Canada there was a meter and 1/2 of snow last night. The romantic image of snow on trees, two wet mitten covered hands linking a couple strolling through the diamond studded snow scape comes to mind. People digging out their dog houses and cars is not usually featured in this dream land.
The interesting work of being in the present means embracing what is and saying this is a season, this is a day. To look at the tree out my window and remember the fullness of green is to reject the beautiful lines of the black branches against the gray, winter sky. There are things to appreciate in even the harshness of the view.
Not being able to be happy in the now, is a practice. Living into the future is a practice. I am starting to “get” that only by being able to enjoy the moment can I get better at accepting the now.
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the golden moment of now, a gift from the universe
May you live in joy this day.
So why are we like Baboons exactly?
Turning on the Television after reading Gabor Mate’s book In the Realm of the Hungry Ghosts, I was surprised to see a Nation Geographics study of Stress and its Toll. Wow. You know you are doing what is meant to be done when these synchronicities show up in your life.
The Whitehall study of stress demonstrated that people under stress deposit fat on the abdomen. If the person is removed from stress or learns stress lowering techniques the fat moves away from the belly area and is distributed differently. The difficulty in contemporary society is that stress reduction is not valued. Work is.
Another study which the documentary referenced was the Winter of Hunger in the Holland. In 1944 people were starving and at war. Winter came with its harshness to create a tripled layered challenge. LH Lumly and other research scientists, wereimpressed by the meticulous records kept in Holland and accessed those records for her project. What they discovered is that the 2400 people studied and exposed to stress in fetal life have today as 60 year olds more health problems and a shorter predicted life span than those who were born immediately before or after the Winter of Hunger. Even as babies, their bodies evidenced health and stress difficulties. Cardiovascular disease, changed nervous systems, depression, psychiatric disorders, bio-polar disorder and anger issues were all more likely to be present in this cohort.
http://ije.oxfordjournals.org/content/36/6/1196.full
A further study of mothers of disabled children lead by Elizabeth Blackburn demonstrated that chronic stress ages a body. The continually stressful environment had the rough equivalent of for every year of tension the biological impact was to shorten life span by roughly six years.
The mechanism for this is in the chromosone caps which are called telemeres.
http://longevity.about.com/od/researchandmedicine/p/telomeres.htm
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The women with disabled children were aging rapidly and the telemeres were shortening. The researcher was curious as to the possibility of reversal of the process. When she placed these women in a support group and the resultant social connectedness and sharing of black humour occurred, the telemeres began to repair. The “reserves that sustain us” was the terminology that describes the telemere function.
Another way that the researchers discovered that telemere function can be protected and reversed is through the development of a compassionate practice. Seeing another’s point of view, volunteering, seeing helping behaviors actually allow an individual to maintain his or her own health so they can mend the cellular damage.
The study began with Robert Sapolsky’s work on stress in a group of baboons that he studies for over three decades. He is considered the leading expert on the effect of stress in the neurological system. When he began the study, he discovered that the alpha males in the tribe had low stress indicators. The boss could attack female monkey, injure beta males and set the rules. Beta monkey and female’s stress levels were high with cardiovascular indicators and other damage. Robert was shocked and distressed when a local tourist camp garbage dump attracted the baboons and the alpha males all died from poisoning.
He believed that his study was compromised or ended. However, he was surprised to see that the beta males now set the tone for the social rules in the society. Prized were grooming activities, social networking, protection of the females and young. The mores changed. New young males that would naturally move into the tribe for purity of breeding purposes took a few months to go from the standard of aggressive interaction to the model of cooperation and caring. Surprisingly, the stress indicators in the entire group went down and all individuals were healthier.
The presence of alpha hierarchy, in corporate structure, in familial structure creates stress in all but the “boss” strata. The only way out of the denigration physically and neurologically that an individual can find is to establish an arena that he or she is the alpha individual. Robert suggested perhaps becoming the office coordinator of the volleyball team. The issue of a sense of control in the occupational hierarchy is, essentially a health and survival issue. To give people more justice in treatment, more rewards for their work will allow people to flourish.
The two magic bullets according to these researchers are social affiliation and compassionate practice. These two choices allow an individual to maintain a feeling of control, to lower stress, to protect or rebuild telemeres and live a life of creative energy.
We can learn much from Robert Sapolsky’s studies on a tribe of baboons. They are, after all, in our genetic family.
http://www.managestresstips.com/481/national-geographic-stress-portrait-of-a-killer/
Denver
Riding the light rail the first time was exhilarating. I got out of my sister-in-law’s car at 7:30 am at the Lincoln station. Still panting from having taken my pills and feeling elongated and translucent from the thin altitude, I walked past the fantastic public art display on the side of the parkade and started interpreting the local lingo on the side of the automatic ticket dispenser.
Who needs brain gym when one is traveling? Just the “game” of trying to find out the arcane code for operating cash machines, water dispensers, toilet flushing devices, ticket dispensing machines is enough to keep one alert. Since my skill set in this area is minimal, it always leaves me feeling like a winner when I score. In high school the counselor called me in to inform me that the technical/spacial component on my test showed in the bottom 5% but that was only, he informed me, because the test couldn’t show anything lower. “I believe you would have had a minus score if the test worked that way,” he smiled into me. Great. Any neurosis that the parents weren’t able to install, the counselor could later construct into my neurological system.
So I was standing feeling about ten feet tall, transparent, panting when the train showed up. I got on it. Didn’t know where it was going but it seemed to be pointed in the right direction.
Frequently, I will just commit to a choice and then ask a living, breathing person exactly how stupid my decision was. In this case I was definitely going in the right direction to a point. However, the train I really wanted was headed to the 16th Street Mall so I had to hop off and wait.
I think the thing about travel that is so fascinating is what one learns about ones self. To learn the lay of the land and not feel lost, it takes me three days in a new city. Once I know how to get lost on public transit and then correct, I have confidence. The anxiety that I will end up in some cosmic dead-end and never be able to return to myself, orphaned for eternity from the only family I have left is assuaged once I peer at a little folded map and see… Oh that is where I went wrong.
When the train got to the University square it was full of students. I had a delightful talk with a young woman who lives in the Midwest in a small town and has come to Denver to begin her path to a Ph.D in restorative art. Her goal is to work in Italy reclaiming some of the ancient works damaged over time. Her main issue was that the love of her life is in California and they see one another only occasionally.
Because she is dedicated to her own growth, she stays and walks her path. Her friends flame the fires of anxiety by telling her he won’t remain true, she can’t continue a long distance relationship. It worries her but she continues.
I admired how fully and clearly she has formulated her future. Envious as I sat there with only a tenth of my youthful dreams accomplished and alone again after the failure of my third relationship. My programming to choose people who are alcoholics and have various emotional issues has unerringly lead me to sacrifice my own goals in order to be loved.
It was almost as if the universe had put her next to me to show me what was possible, what I had missed. I told her of how deeply I respected her choices and wished her luck and healthy love.
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Many of the squares were open and had chairs and beautiful art installations with planters plentifully placed. Men in long sleeve shirts, with vertical stripes, expensive belts and incredibly expensive shoes sat in groups in the slanting light. The sun was beginning to touch the ground through the forest of tall buildings. There was a sense of anticipation, of calm before the rampage. When people dismounted from the light rail, they hit the ground running, cell phones open, everyone talking but not to one another. They were talking to unseen people setting up meetings, checking last minute plans, verifying information. The workforce is uniformed. Standing on one corner, a black and white servant (waiter or counter guy) was strangling himself into a tie and removing his nose ring. I laughed and said, “Now you are invisible.” He crossed the street, stopped turned around then said, “Oh I get it. Yeah. Good.” And off he went.
The Mall is outdoors and extends for over 15 blocks. Along the Mall is a new installation called the Piano installation. Scattered randomly, old upright pianos are painted distinctively and placed out in the open to encourage music in the city.
As I was walking along, I saw a 20 year old playing the Red piano with his dark faced friend sitting next to him. I stopped and took a video. He turned to his friend and said, “Already.” I found out that he has had many videos of him uploaded to you tube but never was one taken so early in the morning.
He informed me that he was a street person. “The mall is my home and when the pianos appeared I thought I should learn to play.” It gave him direction. From sleeping and eating being the main focus in his life, the goal has changed. In three months he has taught himself to play and is composing now. “I decided I want to be a musician.”
I had a few sarcastic thoughts like dancing shadows cross my mind since every musician I know in our town is having relationship or addiction problems… but never mind.
The guy is already on the street, is probably already at his bottom with substances and has no one. Where can he go but up? It was really inspiring to have met two young people in the first hour on my travels who were determined to better their situations.
Because my computer crashed, I am working on a loaner and have to return to this journey to feed images in at a later date.
I will take you with me through the rest of the day on my next blog. It was really interesting so tag along.
Back to Kelowna’s Hot summer sun
I flew back to Kelowna for a short period. The lawn needed mowing, gardens weeded, and the shrubs enjoyed their watering. Playing in the garden grounds me and quiets my mind and this summer I needed these times badly. My kind neighbours kept everything alive and growing; however, a garden is a private thing and I was happy to get back on my knees and start to pull up weeds.
leaving Portland the river
returning to Kelowna dry
The hillsides were beige, dry in Kelowna.
The gladiolas were glorious
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look close reveals detail
Although the gladiolas were on their sides, they were gorgeous.
The shadow was delicate
shadings from white to purple
Passing Moments
The baggage handler at the San Jose bus depot had a full arm tattoo that looked like a medical student had done it. All of his veins and muscles were revealed in ink. It was curiously repellent.
Back in Portland, I once again explored the city that I am learning more about. I walked into the Museum of Contemporary Crafts and found several things that really caused me to smile.
http://www.museumofcontemporarycraft.org/gallery/artists.html
One artist makes felted watches with fuzzy hands that will never move. The “watch” is flat and closes on the wrist with a snap. I found the glass vases made of Twisp River sand stunning and the works of Labrie Rich, Barbara Cohen and Katherine Ace were wonderful.
http://blog.knit-purl.com/category/labrie-rich/
I happen upon the Farmer’s market in the brilliant sunshine and select a nectarine, a blackberry creme soda and gluten free banana bread. After walking four hours, I headed to Buffalo Exchange and found a pair of jeans for $5 that I saw in San Diego on sale for $29. Same pair. After that I crossed the street to my happy place: Powell’s Books. Powell’s is the biggest book store in the world and has rooms that house books of every imaginable subject and condition. Often a buyer can find a used book for half of the price of a new book snugged up on the shelf next to the hardback pristine copy.http://www.powells.com/
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Unfortunately, I had misinformation about how late the Red Line ran. I stood in the well lit square which was very, very quiet for over an hour. Blue Line trains kept coming. Finally a group of street people appeared with several party ablutions and began to welcome in their part of the day. I was very happy when a group of people from a medical convention showed up. A young woman encouraged me to ride the Blue Line. When I got off at the Oregon Convention Centre a very pleasant young man got off at the same stop. He looked up the schedule on his phone and discovered I was SOL. The convention centre was, apparently, even a worse place to be standing around at night so he called a cab for me.
The cab driver informed me that he was a former mechanical engineer and was driving cab to make ends meet. He had to rent the cab on a daily basis, much as my hairdresser rents a chair. “I go off of a 12 hour shift in another hour and I have only made 1/3 of what it cost me for the cab today.” I replied, “You make money at the same rate as an artist does.”
He expressed curiosity as to why all of the 20 somethings were flocking to the city and what they did to survive. “Guess the parents are keeping them afloat, until they get sick. Don’t have any medical.” I wondered out-loud if perhaps they were working on a project basis on the internet with others as I.T. workers. He just shrugged.
The trip cost me $25 and left me a little wiser about the “ease” of transportation in Portland. I finally made it back to my hotel at 1 am but I had met a nice man who offered me a free drink on the park bench, six health care workers, a young man who designs web sites and a cab driver with an education. So it was an interesting evening.
good luck symbol Lakshmi
Snap Shots
In my notebook are snap shots. As I travel I see moments in time which are meaningful to me. La Jolla was a place of a few vignettes. As I was walking through the beautiful neighbourhood of those who somehow have managed to maintain a flow of funds, I saw a young man walking with a cross between a fishing pole and a bow and arrow. When I asked him what it was, he explained that he went to the bay and brought home fish which he claimed were unpolluted.
On the bus ride home a family was sitting together on a seat to the right of the aisle. The dark haired two year old girl was cradled in her mom’s arms in the aisle seat and the older brother sat inside next to the window. In the aisle next to the family stood a teen-aged boy with immaculate hair, brilliant white teeth and a gold wrist chain. His shirt read Alejandro and he carried on a conversation with his mother and another female relative who were seated on his left. Alejandro was upset because he didn’t want to go home and then go out to eat. The oldest woman was saying that she wanted to go home first. This was met with arguments, sulking and a good deal of prodding of the mother. She refused to referee the debate. In the middle of the negotiating, the two year old girl leaned around her mother and poked Alejandro hard in the ribs. The little devil turned to me and gave me a big conspiratorial grin.
Another scene viewed from the bus window was at the corner of a major intersection. Two highway patrol cars had stopped a driver and were interrogating him when a car squirreled around the corner at high speed, turned to a 40 degree angle, skidded back and forth straightening out just enough to miss the first patrol car, slid sideways and then straightened out again to miss the second car. After less than two minutes, the highway patrol officers sauntered back to their vehicles and pursued the dangerous car that looked like it was on sheer ice and not a 90 degree asphalt surface.
On an escalator, the gray haired man ahead of me was talking to his female companion.”They are investigating me. My account was frozen as a security threat while I am being investigated by the government. They took my computer.”
In book store in San Diego, the magazine rack held Fashion Doll Quarterly. I found the pictures fascinating and vaguely disturbing.
I met two people on the same bus trip. One was a Ph.D in Epidemiology from London, England who has moved to the states. She was in San Diego to run a marathon. After she left, I was curious about a man with his son who was holding a bag of thick twigs. He explained that he carves canes with emblems of the Padres as special order items.
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One is left after these middle segments of narrative waft back like perfume. There is no lead in and the denouement is left behind as I move on.
In the San Francisco hotel I asked the clerk how to get to Bart. An East Indian man who is checking out said, “You don’t want to miss the day, the sunshine. Walk along the front of the hotel it leads over the bridge to Bart and you can enjoy the water.” He explains carefully in great detail. I am taken by his kindness and the flowers of hair that are blooming out of each ear. When I get on the Bart, there are only four of us aboard. A woman with her lovely young daughter sit quietly together, connected and calm. Further down the car sits a young man holding a bouquet of white and red roses filled out with baby’s breath. He looks happy. I notice on the back of the car a notice: Kick in plastic panel to remove.
When I was shopping at Old Navy, the clerk processing my transaction stopped, made eye contact and said, “I like your outfit. It is very cute.” I felt victorious about my thrift shop prize. Even in San Francisco this heritage item was distinctive. Score.
San Francisco
Well Judith Orloff once told me to go to a city and check its vibe. Really open up to how you feel when you are there. I got off of the Greyhound bus with my heavy backpack and dragging my luggage behind. I headed out the door to where the taxi stand was and no taxi. So I went to where I saw there was a hotel on the map. It was close to 11 pm and the street people were everywhere snuggled in for a night’s sleep. They were frankly looking irritated with me trailing back and forth through their bedrooms which were the side streets.
While I didn’t feel actual fear, I wasn’t really comfortable either. The hotel was full and the desk clerk phoned around and all other hotels were full. There was a music festival and some sort of baseball game on so the entire town was booked with tourists.
Dragging my luggage behind me, I set off back to the bus depot thinking I would maybe just move on. I saw a local city bus a few blocks away and I asked the driver which bus I should take to get to the airport. He pointed back the four blocks I had just come from and said I should ask another bus driver for another system. I went to that stop, waited and asked the driver when he arrived.
He looked at me as if I were certifiable and in a very, very bored tone told me I should take another bus system with entirely different markings on the side which was yet in a third direction.
Condemning him with a cheerful smile and an upbeat tone, I dragged my weight to a third spot. When that bus arrived I went through the routine again. He pointed to the first place I had come from and said that would be the bus. I explained that, no, it wasn’t the bus. He shrugged and slouched back into his bus in a disinterested manner.
Now it is closer to midnight and it is just me, the occasional arrival of one of the three mysterious bus systems and the street people.
I was deciding if I should switch into despair mode when a single woman walked past me. She stopped and quizzed me about why I was insane enough to be alone that time of night. Oh she explained you need BART. She walked me to the BART station, showed me how to buy a ticket and told me to go down several flights. A train arrived but I wasn’t sure which side of the platform to stand on. I asked somebody and they pointed to the neon plane image. Oh.
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buzzing place in the lobby
The first day was mostly about reconnecting with a wonderful artist/actress/writer, Ann Tracy, from Sacramento. She drove almost two hours to come and visit me and was stuck on the bridge. All in all it was a really enjoyable day. We sat in the sunshine at the hotel and watched the tide recede and return while eating good food. The waiter was droll, attractive and attentive. Perfectly wonderful time and I had no regrets about getting out to the city. Sometimes what is happening is what is meant to happen. I am very happy to have Ann for a friend. She also told me about an astro-cartographer who can do a chart letting a person know where he or she should be living. I had that done since I got back. The universe keeps providing clues. Just listen. Be still and listen.
So the next day I got to sit and watch the tides moving in the beautiful hotel. I walked to the downtown bus and went shopping but the presence of the street people was so aggressive that I felt both deep compassion and fear. The disparity between the rich and poor is so vast. To get transport to the airport was $8.25 one way compared with 95 cents in Portland. The poor and working poor haven’t got a chance.
I was very happy to get on a plane to go to Portland.
Okay, Now I know Why
As soon as the door to the plane opened, one could smell the sea. It wasn’t the stale air of sweat, old socks, plastic and anxiety. It was the odour of spicy sea food.
The palm trees everywhere were rimmed with the 6 pm light of the setting sun and strangely enough, people had smiles on their faces. I went down to the gaslamp district and had dinner sitting outside in the warm air. It is also known for helping your body to make estrogen comprimé vardenafil and testosterone. Now has never been a better time to buy Kamagra If you want a method cheapest price for sildenafil that is discreet and convenient, the best way to buy Kamagra is through the internet. Oxy Power/ Di Phasic PM Oxy Power (Diphasic PM) has sildenafil viagra generico multiple ingredients which help defend against pathological disintegration. In fact, one would choose a Texas driving school that offers the advanced driver training and stimulating curriculum. viagra sale without prescription Eavesdropping on two men talking about the downsizing of office places and how one of them had the job of reclaiming the computers that were left when people were shipped off to unemploymentville. So many partially heard conversations today. I love the feeling of being a part of people’s lives, of learning about what they are feeling or doing.
A 9 year old girl and her grandmother went the whole way with me and the girl talked about her surf school in San Diego. We stood in a 500 person line when the air port in Seattle was just jammed.
I am pretty tired tonight so I will put up pictures tomorrow of this beautiful city and my great hotel.
San Diego for no particular reason
I am headed to San Diego tomorrow for no particular reason other than I had a “feeling” that I should head there. I spent most of the day today surfing around finding plane tickets and looking for hotels.
According to the reviews there are some options that should be included in the travel booking sites: 1. no smell of urine 2. no pubic hair in the sheets 3. toilet seats that aren’t broken and repaired with tape 4. no carpets torn up to form leg hold traps.
I hadn’t thought of these options until I began reading the reviews. So now I am suggesting that they be included with the list: internet, swimming pool, work out room. What do you think?
My wonderful neighbour Sarah took me through the process of printing out my boarding pass and to repay the favor, I took her glasses home with me and left her semi-blinded. This is the second time that I have removed her glasses from her home after a kindness. By now, she should come to expect it.
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I mowed the grass, cleaned the house, repacked and got tickets and hotel reservations. Not a bad day all in all.
It was really fun to see my son with his tiny muscle dog, Tyson. He is a French bull dog/terrier cross and really adorable. Frequently, he stops and strikes a pose like a big, muscular beast and stretches himself out with his head raised.
I am grateful for all of the help and support that I have had in this last melt down and I am hoping it is the last melt down. Why does grief take so long? I wish I could find some cough medicine for it. Maybe just drinking it would help.