When we try. The insoucient stance, the distant wave, the well guarded fortress are attempts to control life. Schedules, chaos, gaming in all senses of the word are attempts. One friend cannot “do” spontenaeity. Every minute of the day is accounted for. Another refuses to live with straight lines around her. All must be gothically cluttered and piled gimcrackery is important for the nest of her life.
Interesting to me is the ability I have to see primarily what is NOT ME. “I don’t do that,” I say to myself. But it is damnably difficult to discover what it is that I choose to do. So much of my life and energy is about the lie that I am simply reacting to circumstances. Why I haveĀ such clarity about how others select actions and create their own scripts while I am blindly acting out the ego lines of my little drama is the central question.
Today I have obligations to others, a column to write, a studio to clean. I want to create more order by throwing out the winter webbing of possessions. Holding on to things seems warming and safe in the winter. But once the sun comes…
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Skype conversation with Jean-Francois Provost was really fun this morning. He is a gentle, intelligent and talented man. He has begun to paint for the show. I said to him that he was kicking my butt. My focus beginning tomorrow will be the Vienna show.
Forget the cob webs.