Intention Gym

learning to love ourselves grows our spirits

After viewing Gay Hendricks’ videos about upper limit problems, I now clearly see how pattern/habit works.

I think of how my children would dig out grooves in the soil on our northern property so that the melting snow and downfall of rain could run in the gully established for it. They would take turns running their stick tools repeatedly in the soil. When a rain would come, they would go out and unblock the areas where rocks, tree needles and clumps of dirt would try to dam up the flow.

my cheer leading shirt

Habit is both my friend and my prison. As I mindlessly attended to the preparation of my rental rooms for airbnb, I watched myself. I am such a voyer of my life. I had no difficulty emptying the dishwasher, putting the laundry in, making the beds, cleaning the bathroom. Even picking up the small broken leaf fragments from the floor is ingrained.

But the larger things, the higher limit things are resisting me. There is a block. There is a big, fat ole rock that has rolled into the groove of wanting my book published.

Looking closely at the inner beauty

First I do that which is programmed in my data base because I see it as successful. Perception is completion.

After five years of running a bnb, the habits are in charge. But the larger dream, the dream of having Walking the Streets of Blood are a challenge.

I laugh at myself for not wanting to seek out yet more rejection from publishers. As I hang sheets on the line I think of Stephen King who came home from his menial, unfulfilling job and was able to sit down and put in another work day of writing. He sent his work out repeatedly to be rejected.

As I work in the even, open and flowing groove of habit, I am mentoring myself. I am talking to myself about the possibilities.

The conscious mind can be a life coach. The pre-frontal cortex can be the loving parent. The higher mind can be a cheerleader.

And the ability to calm down my frustration with myself for not being what I can see myself called to be is very like what my children did. They did not go out and swear at the blocks in the designed flow of energy. They simply removed the blocks. And soon there were little rivers moving down the hillside according to their design.

Thank you to Stephen King, and two children for reminding me of that lesson today.

Living in the Future Is Nowhere Land

It is an absolute virus of mind warp. Our culture teaches us to drive blind. If I were driving in the manner that I live life, I would have my eyes down on Google Maps and be doing searches for alternative paths. I would be searching Know the City for places I am not moving through. I would be reading blogs describing someone else’s past in order to formulate what my future destination will be.

Looking through a lense

This is “impaired” living and I should be given a whopping fine. I and everyone else is dangerous on the energy road when we have our eyes down searching inside ourselves,  searching out forecasts of futures that are actually just projections of our past.

What we see is a mere reflection

How many ways of lost can a directionally impaired person become? Oh it is enough for four or five stand up comedy routines.

I had my eyes on the future picture of a perfection coupling when I married the man who at the first meeting was drunk and actually set his pocket on fire while lighting a cigarette. I thought it “cute”.

What about the man who asked me to lunch but only had enough money to buy himself wine? No clue there….
Or I had my eyes on the projection of perfection fairy tale when I took a job that left me chopping wood for my furnace for nine years in a town wherein suicide was considered the best method of dealing with depression. Grimm at best.

Shadow Self

The future is nothing more than the recreation of the story of our past.

When I first read the studies that 95% of our mental activity is traceable to the area in our brain that was constructed by our experiences under the age of 7, I pushed back. I resisted with all the mite of my five, six and seven year old self. I slammed doors in my mental construct housing. I threw glass objects at the walls of restriction in a futile attempt to break out of the truth telling.

And then, I examined the ashes of my past narratives. How many times had I burned to the ground and I was left only with charred photos of what I had convinced myself was the truth.

I stood in the ruins of four different massive failures in my life with sooty fingers and realized that I had created all of it by not knowing that I was creating all of it.

I did not hear nor did I see what was in the present because my eyes were down.

I would pet the nice kitty and only realize it was a mythical beast of destruction AFTER it had consumed a part of me.

What I hope to God I have learned and what I hope I can bring to my clients as a coach is the understanding that all of us need to keep our eyes on the road.

What is happening now? What thoughts am I having? What fears and anxieties am I paving the road ahead of me with… a stretch of turbulence, a tight winding on the edge of a cliff?

The future is in the breath. The future is in the dreams. The future is in the light that surrounds and protects us. Get off of your devices and be present.

You create all of it.

Everything will change. Everything will shift. Welcome to NOW.

And breathe.

Everything Does Not Exist

Everything Does Not Exist:

I have been surrounded by some people recently who are ill. He or she has had a relationship fracture. A dear life partner has been caught by a disease or the turning upon the body of itself.

Meanwhile, the social media feed has become a sewer pipe of toxic waste. The environment is under attack. Political systems are like a dissatisfied person sitting on a bar stool. Random flirtations with something new, looking for answers in all the wrong places.

Children of only the select few are protected. Women’s rights are being eroded so much it is like watching a glacier recede. The society is time traveling to the 1950’s. Naomi Wolfe in her book Vagina analyses the fear based resistance when women are gaining power. It accounts for much of the current claw backs of equality.

An issue that has people in a state of disbelief is the strategy of passive genocide. From the earliest day in American history, the settlers embraced the concept of Outward signs of Inner Grace.

And in today’s political climate of the billionaire congress, there is a reversion to the old philosophy which has always run underground.

If a person is selected by God, that person will be male; that person will be white; that person will be physically attractive; that person will be healthy and lastly the badge of God’s love comes with the presence of wealth.

The removal of protection for the weak, the ill, the deformed, the outcasts, those who are not a mirror image of the white male billionaire model, is the logical result of the philosophy of grace and damnation. Passive genocide works. Street people die in the cold. Drug addicts overdose in a system of selectivity. The “lower classes” have a higher infant mortality rate.

While the uber rich are having new hearts popped in like battery renewal. Hips, knees, shoulders, kidneys, facelifts, breast renewal options float around this select group.

At the same time, so many are in free fall out of the middle class because of the lightening strike of a single illness. A factory closes; a job ends and with it the entire structure of a life crashes to earth.

The greatest darkness that a social system can carry is the blindness to the understanding that no single person, or family, or class must earn the right to be included. Care and protection is a birth right. And it is in those countries that have the vision of equality that economic success is most vibrant.

The soul of a nation can be blighted. Slavery, native India genocide, racial hatred is a deep sickness that will be carried within the history of a country. The first step in creating a world that is calm, a world that is safe is to address the soul sickness that is held within a nation’s story.

Compassion, inclusiveness, equality, commitment to humanity are the real outward signs of inner grace.

Inevitably, each person and each nation selects a philosophy, a cosmology to reside within.

It is a time when each of us must select a way of moving in the world if there is to be a world which survives. We all count. We all count.

Kelowna: What the garden teaches.

Today I awakened at 7 am because it is too hot to mow the lawn at noon. I pushed the hand mower around my yard like a three year old would a Fisher-Price toy. I made patterns and swooped. When I saw some raggle taggle weed poking out from my giant purple Iris clump I would drop the handle and go over to pull the taunting weed out with a sudden jerk.
I drifted off to weed a neighbouring bed of peonies and daisies.

Then I was back to mowing. The oriental enamelled leaves of the new Japonica in the center of a patch of front yard are breath taking in color. If they were jewellery or the paint color of a convertible car they would be admired, stop people in their tracks, cause wonderment.

I walked behind the mower with its toy like noise. The grass smelled sweet releasing the odor of memories. I could hear my neighbours of 24 years talking together over the fence. My guests sat on the deck reading the books that I had placed on the shelf.

The tulips were here to explode into color the fireworks of celebration. Now their petals curl in. The petals have lost their color and curl into a fist before dropping to the ground. Their job is done once they had exclaimed, “Winter is dead. Winter is dead.’

As I walked the yard I saw the flat handed white of the daisies opening up. They are a busy, simple flower that has crept into my lawn and every bed they can reach.

“Good for you, daisies,” I encouraged them as I mowed.

There is something so deeply extraordinary about the acts that we repeat to the point that they become a ritual. Mowing the lawn is one. I first mowed a lawn when I was eight and it was with a push mower. Now I am 72 and every garden I have ever moved through comes back to me as I walked.

A transition of seasons, the changing birth and dying of species of flowers and plants, a rhythm of existence is not about anticipation. It is the farthest point possible from anticipation. Now becomes a discovery. And how I move through that which I have planted is about acceptance and excitement.

The columbine are gigantic this year. In previous years, they were closer to the earth and timid.

I plant, I weed, I attend to the repetition of taking care of what is around me. The repetition sows the seeds of delight.

And above all, it teaches me how to connect to the earth when I am working in the garden. It teaches me about intention, selection and persistency of practice.

I do not know if this seed will flourish or perish. It is about trusting that no matter what happens the lesson will blossom. 

Floods, Storms, Rain, Heat…Frowning Nature: Kelowna Floods

Today I planted some hot peppers and tomato plants in the 20 degree heat. I first had to clear the leaves, seeds and broken off limbs strewn across all of the surfaces after the violent storm of the previous night. After several hours of raking, I cleared the signs of the destruction and could turn to production.

As darkness approached, I lay in my bed looking out my window at the gigantic maple tree which looms over my home.  It was sown in 1946 or 1947. The branches flung out slapping at my roof and then snapped back in the opposite direction. Winds reached up to 80 kilomteres an hour. I could see the arch of limbs flailing frighteningly close to the glass through which I viewed the show. Idly, I thought about how one of the branches could snap off and come through the roof pinning me to the bed, or crushing my limbs with its limbs.

 

 

But eventually I was too tired to stay awake to see if I would die. Rolling over onto my left side, I turned my back to the threat. I figured that I would be there if anything happened, so I stopped watching the dance. I fell into a fitful sleep.

Currently, my house and my neighbourhood crouches on the edge of the edge of the lake. Some people have lost their piers or their beach front decorations to the water which now stands at 127% over the top of the lake. Residents receive updates from the city which may tell us to evacuate should the water begin crawling towards us. We walk along the disappearing beaches and watch the news nervously.

We are told the snow pack is only 20% melted and there is little joy in hot weather when you are so aware that the orange bladder like snake that has been laid along the waterfront will not prevent a turbulent surge of flood water.

It is an unsettling time. The B.C . election was just decided by a count of votes in one district. The orange buffon is visiting various religious capitals to generously share  the vapid, idiotic and effete personal style that he wears. In case any country has not seen exactly how misguided the United States has become, he takes his travelling freak show far and wide.

There is an irritability in the energy field. The bombing in Manchester, the striking and killing of a bus load of Syrian children, the revolutions in Venezuela and the Philipines are all pushing into the spotlight which becomes a darker and darker place.

And so we wait. We wait to see if the lake will rise and send us out of our neighbourhood. We wait to see if the B.C. government will form in a way that honors the earth and conducts itself in an humanitarian manner. We wait to see how the circus act President will end his performance. We wait to see if our federal government will fulfill the sunny ways promises.

Today I planted and walked around the garden with so many questions in my head.

. Where is the centre of this turbulent time? What truth is waiting to be revealed?

The sun was warm on my shoulders as it melted the snow into torrents down the hill sides. All I can do is stand quietly barefoot in the garden.

Overhead a bunch of Canada Geese flew very low and close to me. They were all squawking at once. There was no formation. Each flew alone, low and loud.

Snap Shots of Toronto and Montreal

The gift of leaving my circumscribed life is to be more awake and open to the lessons which arrive.

On the airport bus woman behind me from Nova Scotia fishes out change to help very distraught Chinese woman and her mother who get on without change, runs out of the bus… flags down relative who has no change, runs into a store and comes out without change and everyone just sits on the bus waiting. The driver could throw her off but sits patiently.Woman behind me keeps holding out the change. Finally the Chinese woman with no English grabs it, gives her a five dollar bill and successfully enters the bus. I say to the woman, I have met so many people who have a story. She says, “You want to hear a story? I have a story. I came into town for my nieces funeral but the day I arrived was my birthday. We had a birthday party that evening and attended the funeral the next day. I went home to my sister’s house and her husband became ill. We rushed him to hospital and he died. There was a birthday, a funeral and a death in the three days I have been here.” I said to her, “You are so open and friendly and helpful. You do not seem to have let it diminish you.” She said, “We create our world. People die. There is grief. But we have to chose how to live.” I was so glad I was sitting next to her.

I met two young women sitting next to me at The Book of Mormon. One was a soccer player athlete and the other a serious Rugby player. They leaned forward laughing meeting the energy of the actors with their bodies. Their faces were open with delight. There were four of us in a row daring to make noise and laughing when we wanted to. We connected in our desire to just hoot out happiness. Two young women athletes, a 72 year old artist and a talented video editor from India and we were a tribe. Travel is magic.

I met a man on the Metro in Toronto who got up and helped a confused chaotic mother and grown daughter get their luggage put away. He was glowingly fit, centred and calm and radiated a sense of light in the world. I pointed to his wrist. “Where did you get that,” I asked about his bracelet. Brazil he said. “I went to Peru for the change.” We both smiled. He said, “I go there too.” Then we each sat quietly thinking about those who seek to grow up. We knew that each of us had moved with courage through a forest of problems. And now, he knew when two people were in chaos exactly what he could do to help them. The world is full of magic.

Toronto Love

I met a woman in a coffee shop in Toronto who had lived in one place all her life… did not think her life “fit” her any longer so she got rid of her stuff except for a very few pieces of furniture, sold her house and was in the process of find a place close to by North of Toronto. She wanted to begin a new book… not a new chapter.

I met a man named Wigglesworth whose sister is Detective Wigglesworth in Vancouver. He is sitting in a coffee shop in Toronto and we talk. His job is managing the on line presence of several companies in Finland. The spice of travel… the people you meet. He told me he chatted with an author who asked permission to use his sister’s name in his next book.

I met a Chinese Ph.D student from China who is working on her live long project examining protein cells with the goal of preventing and curing cancer. She spoke little English and yet this brilliant woman and I spent most of the day together going to St. Joseph’s Oratory and then lunch at Vego. We talked of how we seek out book stores, churches, architecture, art galleries for our joy. We talked of how strange we were compared to others in our culture. She has never “partied” or “dated”. Her life is focused on learning. We understood one another through the barrier of language differences and felt validated. Travel brings in the tribe.

Spider thing

I met lovely woman on the plane who is an executive for Westjet and works in Cargo Efficiency. She told me of her responsibility to transport stem cells and organs to donors. And then she walked me to my gate which was well out of her way. There are so many things I haven’t thought about before that travel teaches me. It was such a gift to meet her and talk during the flight.

I met a couple from New York in the airport in Toronto. She was from Mexico and works as a commercial photographer in the big city now. Her partner was a sound engineer listening to a new artist’s recording that he had completed just before their trip. They were sparklingly authentic and open. We found one another on social media immediately. Love those quick, open connections.

I met a man on the Metro in Toronto who got up and helped a confused chaotic mother and grown daughter get their luggage put away. He was glowingly fit, centred and calm and radiated a sense of light in the world. I pointed to his wrist. “Where did you get that,” I asked about his bracelet. Brazil he said. “I went to Peru for the change.” We both smiled. He said, “I go there too.” Then we each sat quietly thinking about those who seek to grow up. We knew that each of us had moved with courage through a forest of problems. And now, he knew when two people were in chaos exactly what he could do to help them. The world is full of magic.

Off My Moorings

Being off my moorings causes me to cling to the sides of my row boat, fingers digging into splintered wood. My rascal imagination pictures unseen whirlpools, sudden waterfalls, an unfortunate meeting with rocks. It is so much easier to let the fog of boredom slide in over the structure of the landscape of events. Of a piece, the same, predictable routine of anesthetized existence will prevent my death.

The wolf soul is tranquilized and told to go lay in the dark. The growling ferocity of self is drugged with fear and denied.

When I untie my self from caution, I am filled with fear. Where are the bow and aft ropes that stabilize my place?

My ability to be dissatisfied is a skill I have perfected over my 72 years. I want more of less and less of more and not that, this. The craving for unrealized goals calls out over the river front of my kedged existence.

I could be more; bigger; powerful; outspoken; of a leader. I could be less; down a size; in debt; lonely; hesitant; questioning.

And what shows me how I can stir up mud in my river shelter is the sense of resistance. I just want to have an adventure but not to leave home. I just want to be in a sustaining relationship but not go on a date. I just want to have a successful business but not get any further in debt.

at shore

There are times when it is necessary to untie my boat, put a bag over my head and kidnap my conflicted self.

I am headed off to Toronto and Montreal and I can hear the muffled voice of whining hinderance beneath the cloth. It is time to see what happens when I push off in pursuit of new stimuli for the senses.

And I already know I can swim.

 

Everything Does Not Exist

Everything Does Not Exist:

I have been surrounded by some people recently who are ill. He or she has had a relationship fracture. A dear life partner has been caught by a disease or the turning upon the body of itself.

Meanwhile, the social media feed has become a sewer pipe of toxic waste. The environment is under attack. Political systems are like a dissatisfied person sitting on a bar stool. Random flirtations with something new, looking for answers in all the wrong places.

 

Children of only the select few are protected. Women’s rights are being eroded so much it is like watching a glacier recede. The society is time traveling to the 1950’s.  Naomi Wolfe in her book Vagina analyses the fear based resistance when women are gaining power. It accounts for much of the current claw backs of equality.

An issue that has people in a state of disbelief is the strategy of passive genocide. From the earliest day in American history, the settlers embraced the concept of Outward signs of Inner Grace.

And in today’s political climate of the billionaire congress, there is a reversion to the old philosophy which has always run underground.

If a person is selected by God, that person will be male; that person will be white; that person will be physically attractive; that person will be healthy and lastly the badge of God’s love comes with the presence of wealth.

The removal of protection for the weak, the ill, the deformed, the outcasts, those who are not a mirror image of the white male billionaire model, is the logical result of the philosophy of grace and damnation. Passive genocide works. Street people die in the cold. Drug addicts overdose in a system of selectivity. The “lower classes” have a higher infant mortality rate.

The uber rich are having new hearts popped in like a simple battery change.   Hips, knees, shoulders, kidneys, facelifts, breast renewal options float around this select group.

At the same time, so many are in free fall out of the middle class because of the lightening strike of a single illness. A factory closes; a job ends and with it the entire structure of a life crashes to earth.

The greatest darkness that a social system can carry is the blindness to the understanding that no single person, or family, or class must earn the right to be included. Care and protection is a birth right. And it is in those countries that have the vision of equality that economic success is most vibrant.

The soul of a nation can be blighted. Slavery, native India genocide, racial hatred is a deep sickness that will be carried within the history of a country. The first step in creating a world that is calm, a world that is safe is to address the soul sickness that is held within a nation’s story.

Compassion, inclusiveness, equality, commitment to humanity are the real outward signs of inner grace.

Inevitably, each person and each nation selects a philosophy, a cosmology to reside within.

It is a time when each of us must select a way of moving in the world if there is to be a world which survives. We all count. We all count.

And when the pieces start falling into place, everything will begin to heal. The earth, countries and those people who believe that they are locked into some victim energy will be settled and whole. It is coming.

Waiting For the World to Change

I look out the window at my 50 year old maple tree and repeatedly have to dissuade myself from what I think I see. My neighbours hired a company to prune the tree over their side. The resultant lump/stub that is at an angle to me has a lyric flowing shape at one end. Several hundred times I have registered “squirrel”. Since there are dozens of squirrels skittering through the trees and across my roof it is not that strange a recognition response.

But it is not a squirrel. It is a stump of a branch.

How I perceive incorrectly arises from habit. It can only be corrected by habit. It is the only way up and out of the underwater world of conditioning.

The way that many people are responding on social media at the current time reminds me so much of dependent children. He/she wants the invisible friend to come and give him or her companionship and a sense of belonging. She/he wants the doll or  teddy bear or newly purchased item to end the yawning presence of isolation.

People are screaming out like those in the Carravaggio painting of Hell. Where is my saviour? Where is my government protector? Where is the dragon or the eagle that I can leap upon to lift me into the skies of new possibilities?

What fresh Hell is this?

They cling to anger; they cling to being right; they cling to the new crystal purchased from the New Age store; they cling to the heritage of blame their parents have bequeathed to them.

They post on social media, “Am I wrong? Tell me I am not wrong?” And the clarion call sent out over invisible landscapes draws to them their tribe of those who envision exactly as they do.

The difficulty currently is that there is no mass mindset to connect to and with, as we had in the past. In the 1950’s “we” knew things. We held the same chant books in our hands and repeated the same incantations.

When even the heads of states have become mad, what system is protection?

And so we are left with the ever weakening hope that somewhere out there the world will come in and repair all that is wrong in our lives, in the government, in the manner in which we hold space for one another. All we need is more money or power to escape the trap. But it is our trap. We set it.

Now we see the system is all WWF; the realization that the game is fixed horrifies many who need stabilization from an outside force. As the images are shattered; as the desire to be rescued grows stronger; as the bitterness of betrayal grows, people are in grief and disbelief.

What Carl Jung has said is that everything changes in the energy of the universe when 10% of the population set intention.

 

We are the love we seek

Now is the time for us to grow up. It is the time to take responsibility for our past lessons. Don’t argue with the teacher! There is no re-test. It was a massive failure.

Look to teachers who have lead others out of chaos and into calm. Read the wise ones who have steadied the minds of those who were suffering. Grab a book by William James, by Thich Nhat Han, by Pema Chondra, by Walt Whitman, by Ralph Waldo Emerson and leave the chaos mind behind.

Now is the time for us to grow up and find our own path to compassion, to connection with all creatures that live, to the desire to protect those who cannot protect themselves. A child cannot move powerfully in the world. Only a mind that sees illusion for what it is and says, “I begins with me,” can create safety.

Waiting for the world to change makes you a slave.

Blindness. Walking in confidence

Spiritual blindness clouds my vision at times. I keep returning to the programmed scripts of scarcity, competition, victimhood and this flat paper doll world construct where in we are standing in our underwear waiting for some outside source to dress us up. The giant hand will cover the shame of who we are without acceptable stylish cover. The controlling hand will give us the fabric of status. We will be anointed by validation. We will be absolved of our denuded humanity by the powerful outside authority.

The distance between where we believe we can go and where we can get to belief is always something I am aware of. Like someone walking in a mirage desert projecting in a landscape of oasis, my programmed reality is at odds with that which my spirit knows to be true.

The big work for me is to release the struggle. How do I go from what I am now to what I know myself capable of being? Where is the map? What are the instructions? Am I supposed to read it by the full of the moon or with a candle held behind it so I can see the tracings of the journey?

Like some lost, skitterish animal, meditation finds me stuck in a gully, or trapped under loose scree. Meditation brings me back to the container of now, of breath, of body, of allowing all of the fear-pain-anger to just exist in now.

we live in a grid

What my practice has done for me is to allow me to push the “Start Over” button. I have also found that sitting silence or chanting until my tears fall without check allows me to be loving to myself. I return to my intention to stay in the experience of growth.

In the past, I was in a self created classroom not unlike the one my mother described in the 1930’s. When she made a mistake, the ruler marks raised welts on her hands. When she did not learn at a rate or at a predetermined level of performance, she had to sit on a tall stool wearing a tall hat.

In the past, I was in the classroom of perfectionism and I was brutal and unforgiving of myself.

Meditation allows me to push the re-set intention button. I start again. I view myself with loving kindness. Because I have come to understand that being human is basically a bitch, I know to be kind. Because I have come to appreciate that being born into a body IS the hell we all fear mistakenly fear in the afterlife, I have come to be more compassionate to all of us.

William James knew

One time when I was in Floatspace, I saw the souls as lights. They were in the waiting room between lives and each one chose to come down the shoot of energy into his or her mother. Each one made the commitment to come to earth and agree to be born. As I floated in the salt water, I saw a hundred thousand lights travelling to earth to agree to enter a body. They agreed to suffer pain, face death, walk in the mass delusion of whatever their culture had constructed because they wanted to learn.

We see what we believe

It takes my breath away, the bravery of souls. We are here to learn. I am here to learn. And it is through meditation that I can keep my focus and like an adventurer ask the question: What is the real map?

I get lost. I stumble. I forget to be grateful. But I know that this life is where it all happens. It is where we truly learn to love.